It’s time for the next round of rides at WriterWorld
Theme Park! Come on in. Enjoy the cotton candy and chili dogs. Bring a friend.
Bring two friends. Just remember to bring your MS as well.
It’s
A Stalled World:
Take a journey through novel writing in a thousand
pound single-seat railcar through a selection of simulated plotlines over a
sinuous railway. When the plotline no longer makes sense, your railcar stalls
and the brakes lock. You get out and push while audibly revising the plotline
coherently to briefly unlock the brakes, allowing you to move to the next point
of the story. If your heart explodes* before reaching the exit, you lose.
*NOTE: Exploded hearts victims are rewarded with a
voucher for a 20% price reduction for their next park visit.
The
Query Go-Round:
Look at the lovely painted horses, bobbing up and
down as they spin in non-stop circles. Select your steed then note the manacles
that attach themselves around your ankles. Your job; note the flaw in each
horses appearance and enter it on a mounted touchscreen. Get the answers right
and manacles release so you can progress to a new horse to repeat the cycle.
The objective is to reach the flawless horse** that doesn’t hold you prisoner.
**NOTE: It doesn’t exist.
The
Pantser Pavilion/Outline Odyssey:
Don’t like outlines? This interactive challenge is
perfect for those that thrive on spontaneity. Using only a hammer, saw and
nails, you are provided with a pile of lumber. Your task? Build an entertaining
but coherent maze without plans. The catch? The room has no exit until you make
it yourself.
The Outline Odyssey follows the same idea as the
Pantser Pavilion but with a twist. You are provided a comprehensive map to
follow through a maze. The catch? The plans don’t match the maze you have to
navigate. Use the ten-pound sledgehammer you are issued upon entry at your
discretion to create a timeless, flowing exit.
Actual
Contractual Keno:
Painted on the floor of a locked room is a
publishing contract. You are issued a chunk of driveway chalk and tasked with
marking up all the points of the contract for review. You have one hour. Do it
right and you get a $10 voucher at our snack bar. Do it wrong and we keep your
clothes and your car***. No Takes Backs.
***NOTE: In the event no car is available you will
be requested to sign an agreement for your first-born, cat, dog, computer,
publishing rights and/or estate****.
****NOTE: We’d really prefer the car.
The
Revision Rapids:
Going green can be fun! A hollowed out log carries
you down a genuine rapid flume trail, providing chills, thrill and motivation.
All you have to do is finish the final revision of you MS before you hit the
track switching station. Hand off your completed rework and you get to enjoy
the final dive downwards into a pool of champagne. The other route feeds
directly into a wood chipper so the pulp can be reprocessed into paper for
future thrill-seekers. Yes, this is also an opportunity for you to be recycled
as a part of someone else’s work, albeit as particulate matter.
The
Fantasy/Sci-Fry dunking booth:
The seat is comfy, the booth is warm. The reason; a
fantasy or science-fiction writer is perched on a trap door above a vat of
boiling canola oil (peanut oil was suggested earlier but we were concerned
about allergic reactions).
You are tasked with providing a one minute verbal
synopsis of your MS. A scoreboard next to you keeps count. You are allowed the
use of three words that are meaningless to anyone else, referring to either
race of people, locations or creatures. Should you succeed, you are granted a
blog interview with a secondary character from one of many failed
sci-fi/fantasy TV shows. Go over that limit and spray-jets coat you in our
delicious proprietary batter before the floor drops open. Secondary prizes are
awarded for tenderness and the consistency of the golden brown covering.
Sound exciting, right? We’re betting you can’t wait
to give us a try.
Besides being fun we provide a valuable learning
experience that is sure to harden the squishiest of scribes. The park layout is
nearly set and any more ideas for attractions will be closed for submitting
soon. All we need to get this going is a location that provides loose legal
conditions and, preferably, no extradition.
See ya’ there!
