tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66819812355251366132024-02-20T15:56:46.941-05:00The Revo FilesHave a seat. order a round, enjoy the sights.Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-16665382534092697372014-07-03T09:14:00.002-04:002014-07-03T09:25:48.203-04:00The Truth About Self Pub and Other Lies<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As some might have heard, I write. As less may have
heard, I have released a book. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don't believe me? Well, here it is:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Abaddon-Arms-Revo-Boulanger-ebook/dp/B00LE4QOM4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1404392890&sr=1-1&keywords=Abaddon+Arms"><span style="color: blue;">ABADDON
ARMS</span></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">See? What more proof do you need?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I thought it might be a hoot to post on some finer,
funnier points of self-publication. Also, in case you missed it by a couple
inches, I can promote my book again, like so:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Abaddon-Arms-Revo-Boulanger-ebook/dp/B00LE4QOM4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1404392890&sr=1-1&keywords=Abaddon+Arms"><span style="color: blue;">ABADDON
ARMS</span></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Seeing as I've transitioned from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">writer</i> to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">author</i> for all of four days (meaning, you can buy my book, as shown
twice above), I figure I'm now something of an expert and can share what I've
learned about self-publication. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">1)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There's
always something you find wrong with your MS within ten seconds of submitting
it for sale. You can fix it, but it takes twelve or more hours to update and in
that time you'll find something else wrong.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">2)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hype,
networking, creating buzz and pleading can work, unless they don't. The fun
part; you're never really sure what worked and if it will continue to work.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">3)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Self Pub
is a valuable lesson in rationalization. For example; if ABADDON ARMS is ranked
#113,467 in sales out of 7 million books, it must mean it's better than 6.9
million other books. Is that factual? Well...probably not, but it sounds nice.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">4)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fellow
writers are a wonderful source of support – to an extent. Just bear in mind
they have their own problems and are looking to kick your ass by ranking higher
than #113,467.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">5)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
many ways to get word out, including giveaways, review sites, book trailers,
fancy websites, free books, social network posts, shared social network posts,
re-shared social network posts and skywriting. This is a terrific mechanism to
attract other writers, but in many cases, actual readers are elusive as
unicorns.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">6)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reviews
give an air of legitimacy to a book, with more being better. Happily, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">writers</i> (oops, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">authors</i>) are a mentally rugged breed who never take negativity to heart,
no matter how scathing. Yes, I write fiction and obviously, I'm pretty damn
proficient at it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">7)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing
more stuff can be negatively impacted by obsessively checking your sales 12,000
times a day. It can also lead to depression, chocolate, alcoholism and public
begging. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, since that's the stereotypical
view of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">writers</i> anyway (oops again, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">authors</i>), no one will notice.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">8)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing
more stuff is good, and can geometrically increase your chances of being
ignored by a broader range of readers.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">9)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Connecting
with readers is good, especially if they liked the book. It can provide
valuable insight about your talent. Licking their face and pestering them for
more input is bad, and how restraining orders are generated</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">10)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
cannot escape the stigma of being a first time, self-published author,
especially when you're a first-time, self published author. The best you can
hope for is avoiding being institutionalized so you can become a second time, self-published
author. No, confetti does not fall from the ceiling then, either. Deal with it.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">11)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Social
Network book release parties are a mixed bag, but the romance crowd has the
most fun BY FAR. If you need to pattern your attitude (for survival sake),
these are the folks to emulate, which brings me to my summary of all these
rules.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Write
because you enjoy it</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. The respect, success, endorsements and
trying to figure out where to get your Bentley convertible serviced are
byproducts. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can't tell readers what they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> to read and it's stupid to try. Many
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Writers</i> (oops, I meant...aw, forget
it) LOATHE books like Twilight and Fifty Shades, mostly due to jealousy. But
these examples show how significant a writer is in the mind of readers,
meaning; not very. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Readers want the juice, an escape for a day or two.
Then they skip to the next book for more of the same. If you think you're
constructing a towering monument to serve mankind, you're wrong. Even if you
succeed in your own mind, pigeons are going to crap on it anyway.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sure, some have read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1984</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Atlas Shrugged</i>
without a peer-pressure gun to their head, but it's summer, lighten up.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And buy my book. It also makes a great gift. Your friends and family will thank you. No
one reads <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">War and Peace </i>on the beach or
while waiting for a flight.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Once again:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Abaddon-Arms-Revo-Boulanger-ebook/dp/B00LE4QOM4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1404392890&sr=1-1&keywords=Abaddon+Arms"><span style="color: blue;">ABADDON
ARMS</span></a></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-60462213888926469742014-06-21T12:20:00.001-04:002014-06-21T12:20:32.331-04:00Revo's Bookshelf: Blood Leverage by JS Hazzard
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A friend of mine took a leap, a big leap. She
polished up her baby, set the plan in motion and kicked it out of the nest.
Thus far, Blood Leverage by JS Hazzard was been well received, well reviewed
and reasonably well purchased. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sounds simple, right?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was present for much of the final stages of this
event, and saw the monumental effort and stainless steel guts it took to bring
the product to market. Every detail imaginable was agonized over, repeatedly.
Decisions were questioned. Approaches were studied. Between graphics,
giveaways, conversions to ebook and print, marketing philosophies, and hundreds
of edits, the process appeared never ending, like a torturous mobius strip of
decisions.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Thus far, the work paid off. Blood Leverage is a sharply
written and packaged story that can stand square with the best the modern
traditional publishers offer – except JS Hazzard did it all the heavy lifting,
with an occasional assist help from her friends. I glad to be one of them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Not that anyone asked, but since I'm in a giving
mood, I'll share what I've learned about self publishing:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Nothing is easy.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Quality is king. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Friends make coping and execution easier.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Marketing has no one 'sure-fire' method for
success – but can be tweaked in-flight.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Reviews are good. More are better.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Product is good. More is better.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- The best appear to be having fun with what they're
doing.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">JS and several other self-pub acquaintances I know have
these elements covered. It works. As an added bonus, my friends are supportive
with advice, promotion and getting in on the fun as a group. Though our genres
are varied, we share a common bond. No one is out to assassinate the other and
we share the joy of each other's success.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But back to Blood Leverage. Take a minute to look at
it, read up on JS and check out the sample pages. Don't worry, I'll wait.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Leverage-Bloodstone-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B00L0JZOP6/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403364926&sr=1-1&keywords=blood+leverage">http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Leverage-Bloodstone-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B00L0JZOP6/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403364926&sr=1-1&keywords=blood+leverage</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">See what I mean? This is quality stuff and done the
way JS Hazzard wanted it done. Every decision was hers, and she bears
responsibility for its failure and full credit for its success. There is no
corporate marketing push behind her, as well as no advance to earn back. There
is no multi book deal requiring 'approved' subject matter or genre, as well as
no rigid schedule for when JS releases her next work. She has no group of
Manhattan-savvy insiders and no one with their hand out for their share. JS
Hazzard has become an island, one of many in a helpful, coexisting chain.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sound wonderful, and to a degree it is, but never
think it didn't require daunting amounts of work.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I won't go into detail about book specifics, mostly
because it's not the point of this post. Many others will handle that task. My
intent is to inform and celebrate the determination of an author who picked up
the shovel and dug the damn hole, without any guarantee of reward besides self-satisfaction
of doing it her way. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She's got guts and ability, and like me, should not
be underestimated.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Besides, she has friends. Lots of them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Want to learn more about JS Hazzard? Here's a few
links:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/J-S-Hazzard/e/B00L0R33RE/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1">http://www.amazon.com/J-S-Hazzard/e/B00L0R33RE/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.jshazzard.com/">http://www.jshazzard.com/</a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">(Twitter feed)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><a href="https://twitter.com/JSHazzard">@JSHazzard</a></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-14430455585764168462013-05-25T21:43:00.000-04:002013-05-27T09:35:35.658-04:00J Lea Lopez and the spice of romance<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Howdy Folks!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As my regular (and irregular) readers know, my
tastes and opinions are eclectic (i.e. all over the map). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
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<v:stroke joinstyle="miter">
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</o:lock></v:path></v:stroke></span></v:shapetype><v:shape alt="J. Lea Lopez's Photo" id="profile_photo" o:spid="_x0000_s1028" style="height: 84.2pt; margin-left: -1.9pt; margin-top: 37.65pt; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-wrap-distance-bottom: 0; mso-wrap-distance-left: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-right: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-top: 0; mso-wrap-style: square; position: absolute; visibility: visible; width: 60.25pt; z-index: -2;" type="#_x0000_t75" wrapcoords="-538 0 -538 21164 21510 21164 21510 0 -538 0"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
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<w:wrap type="tight">
</w:wrap></v:imagedata></span></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With
that thought in mind, let’s move on to justifying my point as stated above. I
know, that’s new for me, but bear with me on this. There are some things I’d
like to discuss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEs6zaf9O_CQ4FOIwu9uUqr7GGA2qXad6kNFMapgrmdhBWl3aWMFegXJbw81GHRuwEPRB2sg9Bz2WX5YLSHApO8IjUWNO0ho0AmdaBBo7sRq5hLQ8CZegBIRXQC_6SrH7LpHXRXaKW9oSB/s1600/doc+L.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEs6zaf9O_CQ4FOIwu9uUqr7GGA2qXad6kNFMapgrmdhBWl3aWMFegXJbw81GHRuwEPRB2sg9Bz2WX5YLSHApO8IjUWNO0ho0AmdaBBo7sRq5hLQ8CZegBIRXQC_6SrH7LpHXRXaKW9oSB/s1600/doc+L.JPG" /></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Subject</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">:
J. Lea Lopez aka Doc Luv <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Occupation</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">:
Author<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">R2R
(Relationship to Revo):</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Friend, audience and occasional
consultant<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Available
works</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Consenting-Adults-ebook/dp/B00CKH0X2G/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369139642&sr=8-4&keywords=consenting+adults"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.amazon.com/Consenting-Adults-ebook/dp/B00CKH0X2G/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369139642&sr=8-4&keywords=consenting+adults</span></span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3lQ0AFIfqHifv-1mUlVuwe-zisovdvIMnyL0yR6CFAFLBy9f-hkukXcD5p1DUOQKEMJ97xV81lbrTpDMCcL4JwM1l2ZewSBOIiKFZ94e5WSNpq4RuMhVqlqFMs1L6tCsbkxfF72ahbJY1/s1600/51XqzKw9CFL__BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-64,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3lQ0AFIfqHifv-1mUlVuwe-zisovdvIMnyL0yR6CFAFLBy9f-hkukXcD5p1DUOQKEMJ97xV81lbrTpDMCcL4JwM1l2ZewSBOIiKFZ94e5WSNpq4RuMhVqlqFMs1L6tCsbkxfF72ahbJY1/s1600/51XqzKw9CFL__BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-64,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" /></a><v:shape alt="Product Details" href="http://www.amazon.com/Consenting-Adults-ebook/dp/B00CKH0X2G/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1369140434&sr=1-1" id="Picture_x0020_4" o:button="t" o:spid="_x0000_s1027" style="height: 120.2pt; margin-left: -29.1pt; margin-top: 6.05pt; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-wrap-distance-bottom: 0; mso-wrap-distance-left: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-right: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-top: 0; mso-wrap-style: square; position: absolute; visibility: visible; width: 120.05pt; z-index: -3;" type="#_x0000_t75" wrapcoords="-270 0 -270 21295 21591 21295 21591 0 -270 0"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
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<v:imagedata o:title="Product Details" src="file:///C:\Users\Rob\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image003.jpg">
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</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:fill></span></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">From her AQC Profile: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I am a novelist and short story author who is passionate about sex in
fiction, hates writing dialogue, gets her life lessons from jello, and
expresses her creativity through her hair when it isn't coming out in her words.”<o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Okay, right off the bat, I admit; I don’t get the
jello thing. The hair I understand. It is, in her profile pic, an electric
shade of violet. But I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I met Ms. Lopez, or as I call her, Doc Luv (only I
get to call her that), on Agent Query Connect. She is a moderator for that
site. Her responsibilities consist of providing guidance, advice, encouragement
and keeping me from carried away with – me. The first three things she’s pretty
good at. The last thing…well, no one has much luck with that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anywho, Doc is a patient and kindly person that once
gave me a bit of guidance on a scene in KEEPERS that had me concerned enough to
consider cutting it. I didn’t and am happy with what I feel is now the eeriest
and most tantalizing scene in the book. That’s when I came to notice that she
had a talent for giving credibility to a genre I call romantic erotica. Now you
get why I call her Doc Luv. ‘Nuff said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The good Doc has a new work coming out this weekend,
titled; Sorry’s Not Enough. Unlike her collection of short stories as linked
above, this is more romance that erotica. Knowing Doc as I do, however, has me
suspecting it will still be steamy enough to fog your contact lenses. Don’t say
you weren’t warned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This brings up the question; what is erotica? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">These are J. Lea Lopez’s thoughts on the subject: <a href="http://www.fromthewriteangle.com/2012/08/romance-vs-erotica-vs-porn.html"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.fromthewriteangle.com/2012/08/romance-vs-erotica-vs-porn.html</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What? It doesn’t bring up the question? Tough, get
your own blog. I’m running this show. That’s the beauty of the internet. It
lets you sound off on stuff you don’t know a whole lot about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My take: Erotica is a type of romance with a more
intense focus on the expression of intimacy. Done right, it’s engaging on
several aspects of that hard-to-define subject we call love. Done wrong and
it’s a play-by-play manual that is as chillingly unsexy as Pamela Anderson in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barb Wire</i>. Were Doc in the latter
category rather than the former, I wouldn’t have even bothered to write all
this stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Let’s be real here; though it isn’t the flashiest
genre at the moment, romance is the absolute bedrock of fiction. Much like
beer, when times are good, people consume it. When times are bad, people
consume it. Erotica needs no such validation from me, seeing as its sales are
measured in the gazillions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You’re asking; <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">then
why’d you bring it up…bonehead?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t be so impatient. I’m getting to that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here is a small sampling of some romance sub-genres:
Historical, Contemporary, Category (or series), Regency, Futuristic, Fantasy,
Paranormal, Time-travel, Gothic and Suspense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wow. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>I don’t have half that many pairs of
shoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If the tamer of the species can be considered a
strawberry and mineral water, and the more risqué a milk chocolate-covered
strawberry with white wine, where does erotica fit in?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Easy; it’s a dark chocolate-covered Jalapeno served
with a shot of tequila. It may not be to everyone’s tastes, but damn, is it
ever a rush.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The esteemed Doctor Lopez appears to be bridging the
gulf between romance and erotica in her full length work, but I’ll let her tell
you about it:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqErr1GyYuCZIARX7XeVplZtYRcMEDHQQ_uyejhPNLNQ_uJb9oDBOa8pbhmi__K6A3XX35mvyMWW8Lof0L0Q5NQc7VFh-FoNOWB4Yv8eY8JR06aDzPv7v_O8aEBb2bCXkEn3RMO7qTof6f/s1600/Sorry's+not+enough.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqErr1GyYuCZIARX7XeVplZtYRcMEDHQQ_uyejhPNLNQ_uJb9oDBOa8pbhmi__K6A3XX35mvyMWW8Lof0L0Q5NQc7VFh-FoNOWB4Yv8eY8JR06aDzPv7v_O8aEBb2bCXkEn3RMO7qTof6f/s1600/Sorry's+not+enough.png" /></a><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sorry's
Not Enough</span></b><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sorrys-Not-Enough-ebook/dp/B00D0DQHLK/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369530413&sr=8-4&keywords=j+lea+lopez"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.amazon.com/Sorrys-Not-Enough-ebook/dp/B00D0DQHLK/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369530413&sr=8-4&keywords=j+lea+lopez</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Contemporary
New Adult<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
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<v:shape alt="Sorry's Not Enough" href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/17795765-sorry-s-not-enough" id="coverImage" o:button="t" o:spid="_x0000_s1026" style="height: 109.35pt; left: 0px; margin-left: 30.7pt; margin-top: 3.8pt; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-wrap-distance-bottom: 0; mso-wrap-distance-left: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-right: 9pt; mso-wrap-distance-top: 0; mso-wrap-style: square; position: absolute; text-align: left; visibility: visible; width: 76.25pt; z-index: -1;" type="#_x0000_t75" wrapcoords="-425 0 -425 21333 21671 21333 21671 0 -425 0"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
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<v:imagedata o:title="Sorry's Not Enough" src="file:///C:\Users\Rob\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image004.jpg">
<w:wrap type="tight">
</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:fill></span></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Charlotte
learned at an early age that people – including family – are capable of hurting
you so bad "sorry” will never be enough. The obvious solution is not to
let anyone close enough to do any damage, and she's doing just fine with that
until a summer writing workshop brings Steven into her life. Seemingly immune to
Charlotte's Stay the Hell Away from Me pheromones, he uses his wit and good
looks – or what Charlotte would call his obnoxious ego and his stupid good
looks – to win her over. The unexpected summer romance screeches to a halt when
Steven's job creates an ethical dilemma for the couple. Sorry doesn't begin to
cover the hurt feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0.5in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Despite the secrets Charlotte's keeping and the
renewed passion with which she pushes him away, Steven can't let her go. And so
the cycle of their relationship begins. Over the course of four years they
share moments as passionate lovers, periods of warm friendship, as well as months
of barely-civil tension.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0.5in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When no amount of time or distance, and no number of
men, can make her forget the comfort of Steven's arms, Charlotte must dig into
her painful past and face the man whose betrayal destroyed her capacity for
trust to begin with. And by the time she finds the courage to do so, will
“sorry” be enough to get Steven back?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You got all that? Good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What is ‘New Adult’? It’s an age group, representing
individuals old enough to know better but young enough to continue mooching
meals and laundry off their parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes, I’m one of those parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No, I’m not that thrilled about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But I digress. As you can see, J Lea Lopez is a
woman of considerable talent. If you’re a romance fan, check out her works. If
you’re not, check them out anyway – especially if you’re male. We can never
learn enough about our counterparts. Besides, you might pick up a trick or two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Guys, don’t take this the wrong way but there are a
few out there that can use all the help they can get. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyway, buy the book, read it and leave your review <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/319676">https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/319676</a>.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What the hell, you can review this blog post too. I don’t mind. There's even
a little comment doohickey right down below, somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Peace out and enjoy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-948456304955269292012-12-11T22:10:00.000-05:002012-12-20T05:57:32.383-05:00The Next Big Thing; Week 28<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">A special
thank you to Kmom, one of my very first pals from AQC and a warm person that kindly
greeted me. Future generations may hold this against her, but she has my
gratitude.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://katereid5.wordpress.com/"><span style="color: blue;">http://katereid5.wordpress.com/</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://katereid5.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/the-next-big-thing-week-27/"><span style="color: blue;">http://katereid5.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/the-next-big-thing-week-27/</span></a><br />
<br />
1- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>What is the working title of your
book?</u> </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8oPQEGjL3r9PL1KCSCPB7BgwCeXR31W9yXHJGZD8liyVRnx4ivoqJS9ckFoI9D2TAYhi525JGO-SmAPs21N2Yi6RfZfi360abo3N6qzOCcoYFaRR07X9BfhpgzM69rbrJ7CI_kEpfDdJ/s1600/revo+fire+2small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8oPQEGjL3r9PL1KCSCPB7BgwCeXR31W9yXHJGZD8liyVRnx4ivoqJS9ckFoI9D2TAYhi525JGO-SmAPs21N2Yi6RfZfi360abo3N6qzOCcoYFaRR07X9BfhpgzM69rbrJ7CI_kEpfDdJ/s1600/revo+fire+2small.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">ABADDON ARMS <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">(for those
under 30, Abaddon is a synonym for ‘Purgatory’. Arms is the same for ‘Hotel’. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Purgatory Hotel </i>was a dud title, hence
the different wording) <br />
<br />
2- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Where did the idea come from for the
book?</u> <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">…From being
on vacation and looking at a house. I know that sounds weird. While the wife
and I were on our long delayed real honeymoon we had this place close by that
we thought was a hotel. It turned out it was an over-the-top house for some
very rich dude. But it had an ominous look, with its stucco walls, Spanish
flair, ground level lighting and high walls. Next thing I knew, little bits of
story were starting to filter and accumulate in my head. Personally, I think
rum had something to do with it.<br />
<br />
3- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>What genre does your book fall under?</u></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">THUNK! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The genre
dartboard says Paranormal Thriller! My heart says horror. We’ll see which is
right when I’m done and if I trigger some sleepless nights for my betas.<br />
<br />
4- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Which actors would you choose to play
your characters in a movie rendition?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Seeing as the
main character is a chameleon by nature and vocation, I believe Sam Rockwell
would be an interesting choice. His co-protagonist has to balance strength,
vulnerability and brains. My pick right now would be Gabrielle Anwar or the
wonderful Mila Kunis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
antagonist has Julian McMahon springing to mind. Suave yet sleazy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
5- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>What is the one-sentence synopsis of
your book?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Leave it to a
born loser like Jake Lane to find humanity at Abaddon Arms, the very last place
on earth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
6- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Will your book be self-published or
represented by an agency?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’d like to
be psychic or arrogant and say ‘it will be represented by an agent’ but
understand that decision isn’t entirely up to me. What <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>my call is that, one way or the other this book will be
available to readers.<br />
<br />
7- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>How long did it take you to write the
first draft of your manuscript?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’ll let you
know when it’s completed. For now, I predict three months.<br />
<br />
8- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>What other books would you compare
this story to within your genre?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Within my
genre is a little dicey, given the subject matter. I’ve read some pretty gory
horrors that run along similar lines, but don’t feel this story applied to that
model. I know there’s nothing new under the literary sun, but this comes pretty
damn close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’ll let
others be the judge of just how close.<br />
<br />
9- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Who or What inspired you to write this
book?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">They still
haven’t gotten rid of this redundant question, I see. How many times do I have
to say ‘I dug a cool, creepy big house’?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Okay, I’ll
try to drill down a layer. I’m a horror fan but firmly believe that no walking
mosquito (vampire), biped angry puppy (werewolf), overgrown lizard with
halitosis (dragon), or any other fantasy tormentor can match the depravity or
nobility of the human species. With that in mind, I wanted to generate a scene
and mood to adequately represent the duality of man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The setting
is a perversion of purgatory, used by the antagonist as a placement service for
those that would fit in with hell’s management structure. Bad people with depth
fascinate me, and if one baddy is fun, a whole cast of them is better.<br />
<br />
10- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>What else about your book might pique
the reader's interest?<o:p></o:p></u></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">If you like
the irony of the human animal, satire on corporations and ambitions, tenuous
relationships created in extreme conditions and a cast of characters with
precious few redeemable qualities, then have I got a story for you…<br />
<br />
Tagged for next week are some of my very talented writer friends. Check out
their blogs next Wednesday, December 19th, when it's their turn to post answers
to these same questions about their own works-in-progress!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">First up, a
terrific YA Fantasy writer (who let me beta read) and creator of sci-fi. Let’s
hear a round of applause for a great AQC bud, Lucid Dreamer!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
<a href="http://vickilempweavil.com/"><span style="color: blue;">http://vickilempweavil.com/</span></a><br />
<a href="http://vickilempweavil.com/the-next-big-thing-week-29/">http://vickilempweavil.com/the-next-big-thing-week-29/</a><br />
<br />
Not to be outdone, I'd like to also give a shout out to Mia, currently struggling with which project to share with us all. I'm sure it will be intriguing, no matter what she decides on.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://miasiegert.blogspot.com/">http://miasiegert.blogspot.com/</a><br />
<a href="http://miasiegert.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-next-big-thing.html">http://miasiegert.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-next-big-thing.html</a><br />
<br />
<br /></span> </div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-40920964183820935392012-11-13T22:37:00.003-05:002012-11-24T11:28:40.973-05:00So You Think You Can Write a Novel: The Next Big Thing (week 24)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLjvWc4cUwNqRbdvBnpfciCmhvrUSBPPWrWGRo8dAYSaLLaAwwhwAwXUAg2muwTlEjisOcnBt9aKiyTBZvj_LYYgp81V93OK-JwEh9LsCg3w6SpfkfPihyFKSOIomCGVBhOFx-U8MTTD5/s1600/9219_170162541313_529816313_3348356_6542989_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLjvWc4cUwNqRbdvBnpfciCmhvrUSBPPWrWGRo8dAYSaLLaAwwhwAwXUAg2muwTlEjisOcnBt9aKiyTBZvj_LYYgp81V93OK-JwEh9LsCg3w6SpfkfPihyFKSOIomCGVBhOFx-U8MTTD5/s320/9219_170162541313_529816313_3348356_6542989_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’d like to
open with thanking Debra McKellan <a href="http://debramckellan.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">http://debramckellan.blogspot.com</span></a> for this opportunity to
entertain myself and (hopefully) a couple readers. Thanks again Debs for the <em>So You Think You Can Write a Novel: The Next
Big Thing</em> inclusion<em>.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I guess I
could go on a bit about the allure and intricacies of literary creation but
instead I’ll sum it up thusly; I enjoy writing and would love to have it entertain
others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">There, I said
it. If you were looking for deep insight…sorry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Instead, I’ll
use the opportunity to dwell on a piece of work I’m rather fond of – mine.<br />
<br />
1- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What is the working title of your
book? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Keepers<br />
<br />
2- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Where did the idea come from for the
book? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I’m a huge
horror and thriller fan and had an idea that brought something different to the
table. I love the seashore, isolated old houses, hidden dark history, complex
relationships and emotional triumph. Once I had all the ingredients, I diced them
up to share the stew and spiced liberally with paranormal horror and friction.<br />
<br />
3- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What genre does your book fall under?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Paranormal
Romantic Thriller. I understand this is probably a mish-mash of genres but the
overall balance of Keepers supports this. The story, for me, is the story. The
genre is the end product and generally as indicative as referring to Dom
Perignon as ‘carbonated liquid’.<br />
<br />
4- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Which actors would you choose to play
your characters in a movie rendition?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Being a movie
huge fan that likes to pick out underappreciated actors, were I given the
option, I’d love to hear Taylor Kitsch read for Mark Grady. I like the roguish
swagger he brings and feel the poor guy could use a break after John Carter (I
know I could have used one).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The real draw
would be Kate Mara as the tormented and complicated Valerie Sheldon. I feel she
has that balance of beauty, ability to translate the fragile and varied moods
of the character, with the stylistic grace to pull it all together. The eye and
hair color is wrong but I don’t care. She is the mental image that springs to
mind when I envision Keepers as performance art.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">For the other
roles I’d like to draw upon the talents of those with experience and
distinctive style. Zooey Deschanel, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helen Hunt, Willem Dafoe
and Edward Burns would effectively round out the cast.<br />
<br />
5- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What is the one-sentence synopsis of
your book?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">A withdrawn
home renovator and his complicated tenant discover far more than love within
the sinister embrace of Haven House.<br />
<br />
6- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Will your book be self-published or
represented by an agency?</i></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Self-published.
I am notably impatient and would love to gauge reader’s reactions as soon as
possible while setting my own price, simultaneously building my presence for
future works. I understand this is a profit based industry (otherwise, it
wouldn’t exist), and a first time author with a complicated story faces an
uphill battle on all fronts. Were an agent to approach, I’d listen. But for
now, I like the idea of guiding this ship with my own hand.<br />
<br />
7- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How long did it take you to write the
first draft of your manuscript?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Approximately
two months for the first rough. After that, it took about a year to polish with
a bunch of help.<br />
<br />
8- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What other books would you compare
this story to within your genre?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Seeing as I
feel I’m on uncharted ground, the comparisons would be varied. The physical
conflict of Haven House is a hybrid of Robert Marasco’s Burnt Offerings and The
Shining by Stephen King. Both had an interesting view of that ‘Cursed Place’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The Haunting
of Hill House by the great Shirley Jackson brought the overall theme from slash
and burn horror to suspenseful / creepy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">None of these
had much in the way of romantic development, so that was drawn from the work of
Nelson DeMille in general and The Gold Coast in particular. My focus was
refining the growth of the main characters and their relationship while keeping
it edged with conflict.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
9- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who or What inspired you to write this
book?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Short answer:
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I challenged
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Long answer:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">As stated above,
I’m a thriller junkie and I’ve read a ton of them. What I’d discovered was
those that had complex characters and relationships were more satisfying than
those more dependent on some impending catastrophic event. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">With Keepers,
I sought to draw the ‘relationship created under fire’ aspect more to the
forefront – rather than have it as subtle character shading.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Balance was
the challenge. I did my best to tread the line, stressing Valerie and Mark’s
dynamic without setting up camp on the turf of contemporary romance novels. At
the same time I strove to create a perilous situation to be dealt with by real
people, not standard thriller protagonists.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And therein
lay the rub. I’m more than satisfied with the final product – but will anyone
else say the same? Have I successfully straddled genres, or have I created
something perceived as neither fish nor fowl? There’s only one way to find out,
and it isn’t by keeping this story locked away on my hard drive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Motivation
and encouragement from close writing friends also helped drive the story during
its creation, with inspiration being maintained as the word count piled up.
Special thanks to my close AQC buddies for their cajoling, taunting,
brainstorming and chiding.<br />
<br />
10- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What else about your book might pique
the reader's interest?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This is not a
horror story written for horror’s sake. Things happen for a reason and
everything is interconnected. What I strove to bring to the table is the
tension of love, family, tormented past and supernatural evil. Relationships
are of paramount importance in Keepers, and I feel I captured their depth in a
way that makes this a unique read. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
paranormal aspect is also relationship based, using a mirror image to pervert
the love embraced by the two main characters. Lust, greed and domination are
the antagonist elements that seek to short circuit healing, trust and growth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">My mission
was to captivate the readers with my characters so that they feel they are
behind the steering wheel. When they put it down upon completion (and buy copies
for friends and family), I’d like to imagine them letting out a slow breath,
smiling contently while saying “What a ride.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Immediate
enjoyment is nice, but what would truly flatter is if the story moved them
enough to resonate for years to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
<br />
Tagged for next week (Week 25) are some of my very talented writer friends.
Check out their blogs next Wednesday, November 21st, when it's their turn to
post answers to these same questions about their own works-in-progress!<br />
</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://pineapplelightning.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: blue;">http://pineapplelightning.blogspot.com/</span></a>
For Brighton (formerly the Lord of Awesome, now just Awesome)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-76828484620878373162012-09-13T08:38:00.001-04:002012-09-13T08:38:17.293-04:00Day Six: Mourning Thoughts
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Six: Early Mourning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZWS20nzQGPGIA5F5xHUU86VB1-Bm7yS-3JV0CjaVuTXepgpzeHQjBQ_funjLLYsESIK4D9fKc8LKA5EK0lKvb20SPb0v6RAVvMWsvkpJW10UoRVHR_5ImIx2YpCr-AZXbjWP3QHgLpM9/s1600/Bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZWS20nzQGPGIA5F5xHUU86VB1-Bm7yS-3JV0CjaVuTXepgpzeHQjBQ_funjLLYsESIK4D9fKc8LKA5EK0lKvb20SPb0v6RAVvMWsvkpJW10UoRVHR_5ImIx2YpCr-AZXbjWP3QHgLpM9/s320/Bird.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">‘Tis almost that time, folks. One more
day of Jensen Beach and Hutchinson Island remains before we depart for the one
day stay in Orlando. After that, home and real life awaits.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Coffee will no longer be sipped
while sitting on a sixth floor deck, overlooking the surf and commuting with
the pelicans and other cool birds. Instead it will be drunk from a giant travel
mug while planted behind my desk. Showers will no longer be lackadaisical,
when-I’m-ready affairs, returning to a rigidly timed routine. Breakfast and lunches
will be packed cold cuts, no longer the delicious leftover fare prepared by
others. The scent of ocean spray, the intensely warming sun, the ever ready
pool and hot tub shall be replaced with falling leaves, autumn chill and…ah,
screw it, I’m going to screw up our last day here if I keep this shit up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s time to dwell on the few
things that irk, out of mental self-defense more than anything else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I won’t miss:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Taxes;</u></b>
as a New Hampshirite, we have taxes and I believe in paying my due, but
vacationland has raised the stakes to greedy levels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Traffic
circles</u></b>: What the hell is up with that? Haven’t traffic lights been
around a while now? Do you know what a pain it is to try to spin around these
things, looking for a street sign that is, 50% of the time, non-existent while
avoiding getting t-boned by a jeep jacked up to the lower ionosphere?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Margaritaville</u></b>:
Okay, okay. I get it. Nothing supposedly sells a vacation retreat like the
constant strains of an old fart pseudo beach-bum with 1.5 hits in thirty some
years. But get real, folks. This guy makes Chris Isaak look like Elton John. I’ve
had endure this leather skinned wrinkled anthem in reggae, elevator muzak,
calypso, country and its repulsive original variation. Break it up. Someone go
out and buy a Roy Orbison CD or something, will ya’?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>The
parking space glare</u></b>: This is restricted to where we are staying, so in
the defense of native Floridians, they are completely excused. No, this is
directed at the bitter pool vultures that stake out one of three tables by the
pool since 7 am and look at me like felon when I get a good spot in the
carport. Why do you people give a shit? By the salt encrusted windshields you’re
vehicles sport, it doesn’t look like your cars have moved since the Bush
administration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>That bitter
envy</u></b>: I’m a lucky guy. I married a woman that easily looks 10-15
younger than her actual age. For this area, that means it looks like we just
graduated High School. My wife is a quiet type that manages to carry herself
with a certain aristocratic grace, accented by a heavy collection of jewelry. I
like the look. I like it a lot. Unfortunately, around here, her looks have come
with a few snide remarks spoken under the breath of blue haired
ex-receptionists while their over-nagged hubbies are checking out her chest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another week here and some fossil is going to
wind up calling the hotel staff to get their false choppers and 75 pound
handbag out of the bottom of the Jacuzzi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, that’s enough venting for
today. Instead I will focus on bronzing up flesh a bit more, breathing in the
slat air and desperately trying to keep this relaxed state of mind in place for
a few weeks when I go back to reality. Other than my self-indulgent travelogue,
I haven’t read a blessed thing. Hopefully the creative batteries are recharges
as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is your intrepid explorer,
signing off for another day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-68184188346067574342012-09-12T08:55:00.002-04:002012-09-12T08:55:59.297-04:00Day Five: Field Trips
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Five: That Tuesday state of mind <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Steel
gray clouds and high winds had us on the move, pushing back the plans for a
solid total beach day. For the most part, it was time well spent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Florida Oceanographic Institute wasn’t exactly Sea World, and I mean that in a
good way. Small and not exactly jam packed with marine life, it was nonetheless
staffed with courteous and informative people that provided us with a great
deal of information in regards to the areas ecosystem. I don’t need bribed
mammals jumping in the air to entertain me, I can get that at any local
restaurant that advertises an all you can eat buffet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
the FOI’s stingray feeding tank was being refurbished (not that I ever wanted
to feed a stingray), our admission cost was cut from $10 to $7 per person.
Regardless, it was money well spent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
main area had a collection of smallish aquariums, each showing the diversity of
marine life, segregated so no bad-ass fish goes gladiator. There was probably
only about twenty minutes of entertainment and educational value here, but it
was a pleasant opening act for what lay beyond.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh48IbH5G6hRLhbEtL7d2LGLKmD0lPa1Ghf64uXkO092Ge9AkAdGGsbgJYqGjBa4SbvWUGll0F4lHgqBog0thhLybjjWs6DUb_uKNzkrMuQjhM4DNrLzM2hPlq39JJ3SAiHOOWyWMlPIDoj/s1600/touch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh48IbH5G6hRLhbEtL7d2LGLKmD0lPa1Ghf64uXkO092Ge9AkAdGGsbgJYqGjBa4SbvWUGll0F4lHgqBog0thhLybjjWs6DUb_uKNzkrMuQjhM4DNrLzM2hPlq39JJ3SAiHOOWyWMlPIDoj/s320/touch.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Outside,
in the 43 acre campus, a variety of displays, tanks and informative placards
awaited us. The wife and I lingered by the mollusk petting tank longer than expected,
mostly due to the chatty and charismatic lady manning that station. I got the
distinct impression this place is more used to occupying bored schoolchildren
on field trips and doing their jobs in saving and studying fish. Regardless,
they also appeared anxious to strut their stuff when an eager couple comes
along, looking to actually learn something. We were two of only about ten
people there, and were treated like royalty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Once we
got our fill of touching sea urchins, sea cucumbers and other sea things that
look completely unappetizing, we were called over to witness the daily feeding
of the game fish in a 75,000 gallon protected lagoon. Hungrily awaiting their
daily meal were a vast collection of Tarpon, spadefish, nurse sharks and other
large things I forgot the name of. Most impressive were the four sea turtles
that were being treated for ‘buoyancy issues’, meaning parts of their anatomy
were damaged by boats and were un-releasable into the wild for concerns of
their survival. This convalescence home was a heartwarming, and after seeing
some of the local menus and if I were them, I’d be milking this recovery thing
as long as I could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After
another round of comprehensive information, presented by the kind of smart and
no-nonsense pretty young girls I wish my sons would bring home, we blew a wad
at the gift shop, knowing the proceeds would be funneled back into this
impressive facility. The staff bid us farewell and Angie suddenly lost the
appetite for seafood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Another
round in the hot tub and pool on our return, it was decided the very local
color restaurant should be frequented. I was in the mood for sandwich fair.
Thankfully, my cynical radar did not fail me as soon as we walked into one of
the close by eateries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It
should have been alright. The place was well decorated and was the first
establishment we experienced that had cloth napkins, but something was amiss. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For
starters, the large and well decorated place was nearly empty, possibly due to
being a Tuesday night but curious nonetheless considering this time-share
neighborhood had to have at least 30,000 vacationing folks within a mile
radius. Also, despite the fact that there were only 8 people in the place, the
waitstaff and associated workers outnumbered the patrons. Not a good sign.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We kept
it simple and cheap as I suspected watered down drinks were the house
specialty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since you can’t water down a
martini, I started out with that while Angie tried the diet coke and rum. Sure
enough, her drinks couldn’t get a fly high and though not diluted, my martin
ran about ¾” shy of the rim of the glass. My next drink was a draft beer as we
skipped dessert and escaped far wiser.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After
another stop for a ‘real’ drink, we came back to home base. My wife had
suddenly become addicted to the hot tub/Jacuzzi. We now visit it three to four
times a day. After ten minutes each time of being boiled like Maine lobster,
we’ve discovered the invigorating practice of jumping into the close by poll
immediately after, enjoying the slamming shut of our pores while tempting
hypothermia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>To
close the out-of-room evening, we attempted a game of pool on the outside
billiard table, a futile exercise as the table was as off as our aim, the balls
were as out of round as our sobriety, and the cues were more crooked than the bartender
from our meal. Two things became apparent; we can’t play pool worth a damn and
Wednesday will be spent on the beach, recovering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-80360175887899388732012-09-11T11:58:00.001-04:002012-09-11T12:05:20.486-04:00Latent Honeymoon; Days four and five<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnq42zC5lwPGXdb76kua_EY_f74_HJdwetfOivWBPbzvWRBSjr9ub8-dK70P34ggKzH9UC4RVn_nOCn5wLLyMgS8BTs1bdNIid3o3UQwUd__jDNSioGUNOcIr2_AnSvRthpqoYraPQD_J/s1600/crab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnq42zC5lwPGXdb76kua_EY_f74_HJdwetfOivWBPbzvWRBSjr9ub8-dK70P34ggKzH9UC4RVn_nOCn5wLLyMgS8BTs1bdNIid3o3UQwUd__jDNSioGUNOcIr2_AnSvRthpqoYraPQD_J/s320/crab.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Four and Five: Getting’ in that Florida groove<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s incredible
how quickly we have adopted that laid-back, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it’s
all good</i>, mentality. Maybe it’s the heat and humidity; movement + effort =
sweat. It could be that I’m still a tad shell-shocked from my job, and my brain
is shutting down for a re-boot. Most likely, however, it’s the people down
here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’ll
admit it flat out. I’m a New England snob. You think you have spurts of crap
weather? BAH, we have damn near every weather related disaster on a regular
basis and we hang in there. You call that pizza? Chinese food? A hospital? You’re
kidding me, right? It’s probably that southern US stigma I carry and my narrow
minded perceptions that bolster perceived superiority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now I lived
in warmer climates, Southern California to be more specific. But in the three
and a half years of living there and a week-long visit recently, I never warmed
to the place (pun intended). Something about it, lying just under the surface
that I couldn’t put my finger on, irked me. The song Hotel California seemed to
sum it up for me on a subliminal level. Las Vegas was even worse. One week was
a lifetime there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But so
far, I love Florida. Being slightly paranoid by nature and occasionally
confrontational by choice, I’ve yet to feel like prey. There’s a sincerity and
politeness that we’ve encountered everywhere we’ve been (the hotel pool and bad
restaurant as exceptions). Sure, it’s a tourist trap on one level, but we haven’t
been treated like a mark.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Case in
point: Last night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
found another charming restaurant that could hold its own with many from Boston’s
North End. Garlic invaded our senses from the parking lot, the service was
attentive and friendly and the quality and quantity of food was superb. Being a
weeknight, we were even able to park our now beloved rented steed on the street
directly in front of the establishment. Downtown Stuart is a charming place, accommodating
for walks and decorated with fountains and an astonishing lack of litter. It’s
like a theme park with the only theme being ‘we give a crap how our town looks’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Granted,
with a couple small blemishes, we have been supremely fortunate during our
stay, enough so that the wife said something that should have put a cryogenic freeze
on my spinal column, but instead only provided a small chill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
could live down here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I did
point out a few logistical issues like family location, lack of employment, 90+%
humidity wreaking havoc with her curly hair and, most importantly, during the
summer months Florida is only 12 miles from the sun. Early September is likely
not the best representation sample for long-term weather. Still, I had to give
the suggestion some consideration. I could take Florida, but could Florida take
me – long term?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Of
course, I’d need a job with a pay rate that approximates my present salary. I’d
also need to lose that high-strung NE mindset (no small feet). I think I’d also
need a 2012 Camry and a place near the shore, but capable of withstanding
hurricanes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
enough of all that. I can daydream on the issue after my return. For now I’ll
deal with the present and change it up. I’m going to write my first Car &
Driver grade car review.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIWz5E7_xay-8GbJqfKaK8KuL0blqaxffEPiSqw_gEXe4zyylSMNztMYyxLXsdveGYluwrPQqPrutFtondee_7OzofkPZ2Vp7pFyoJH5FeHe_IPUOyea0LcKNwNnyqQqTAxBz13OB6mBgY/s1600/The+trusty+rented+steed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIWz5E7_xay-8GbJqfKaK8KuL0blqaxffEPiSqw_gEXe4zyylSMNztMYyxLXsdveGYluwrPQqPrutFtondee_7OzofkPZ2Vp7pFyoJH5FeHe_IPUOyea0LcKNwNnyqQqTAxBz13OB6mBgY/s320/The+trusty+rented+steed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Car: 2012 Toyota Camry LE<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Price: $23,700 (approx.) or, 33% of the cost of the Audi A8
in saw in flames on the side of the highway during the ride down here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Engine: 2.5 liter four cylinder, 178 hp.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seats: 5 actual life-sized people/ 10 Kate Moss’s / 2 Cape
buffalo<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cargo capacity: As much luggage as my wife can pack with none
of it invading the back seat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Demographic: Old farts and people that don’t want to think
about their car as more than an appliance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cop visibility: Next to zero (trust me on this one).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Performance: It has plenty. Easily faster than my old ’73 Camaro
except it turns and stops.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fuel mileage: More than I have any right to expect with my
lead foot and limited patience (31 mpg AVERAGE between highway and congested
in-town traffic)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Interior room: Bigger than my first apartment and far better
equipped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Options: None.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Color: Stealth Fighter gunmetal metallic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the road: AC is meat locker grade, ride is tight, Radio
kicks ass, handling is solid and it will obliterate any sport ute imaginable
from a stop light. After a three hour flight to Orlando, the seats actually
soothed on the remaining 2.5 hour drive here, allowing us to remain mobile and
active until the wee hours during our first night here (We were both up since
4am, bear in mind). The wife has yet to ask for the keys and it may boil down
to an arm-wrestling match if she does. It eats miles like I kill potato chips.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nits: The sill is high for the wife and for resting elbows
on the widow frame when the window is down. It also tricks you into believing 80mph
is actually 60. The speedometer needs a settable alarm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Subjective: I want one. The wife isn’t even arguing the
point which is scary good news.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But enough of that. We are off today to pretend we are
studied intellectuals that are environmentally conscious, meaning were headed
to the Florida Oceanographic Institute to witness some of the un-releasable
endangered species they keep in a secured lagoon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irony alert! After that, the wife wants to try a local dish
called ‘onion encrusted dolphin’. I may or may not mention that during the
tour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She may get to drive the car after all if I do…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-39607171689124877492012-09-10T13:54:00.000-04:002012-09-10T17:14:59.184-04:00Latent Honeymoon: Part Three<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuzaYZTlOQSrWMSBXAC87ZoiMo-OcUcYe7hzGCeWWdmPaOFBYGsuo36oztRpgG_9y3zJzLY-Qr5x431aEcMnlT05TQWuz9EwwlEds7oDJTB6EtEd3Btc4YJYVSZEEpT4P-U-ACckFMral/s1600/baby+sea+turtle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuzaYZTlOQSrWMSBXAC87ZoiMo-OcUcYe7hzGCeWWdmPaOFBYGsuo36oztRpgG_9y3zJzLY-Qr5x431aEcMnlT05TQWuz9EwwlEds7oDJTB6EtEd3Btc4YJYVSZEEpT4P-U-ACckFMral/s320/baby+sea+turtle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Three: Lethargy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
much of Florida appears to be closed Sunday, we spent the bulk of the day not
driving anywhere. The southern beach walk was the closest we came to exercise,
heading onward until my left calf throbbed due to the angle of the beach.
Thankfully, the walk back reversed the slope, balancing the pain to include my
right calf.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s
amazing how spoiled you get being on the private section of the beach. In
gradual progression you could see the crowd, noise and litter thicken on approach
to the public section. Since premium was paid to be a snob, we turned back to
our own far cleaner, quieter and roomier turf.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was
during the walk back that we spotted a baby sea turtle, fighting against the
incoming surf, being pushed back repeatedly on its way to escape being eaten by
birds so it could be eaten by something else in the ocean. Hey, being small and
crunchy is a bitch. Since we humans have an odd sense of balance (see a couple
paragraphs down) we stood guard, valiantly looking to fend of those evil
opportunists aerial carnivores (i.e. environmentally unprotected) that have the
NERVE to want to eat. Remarkably, another walking couple stood by as well,
strengthening our numbers and joining our vigil. My idea to flip the poor
little guy over and skim him to his destination like a flat rock was met with distain.
Environmentalists have no sense of humor or practicality. Imagine the jump on
his un-skimmed brethren this particular turtle could have boasted. “Hey, I was
busting my little turtle balls (or whatever) getting out here. Man, was I wiped
out. Next thing I know this cool guy comes along and gets four full bounces off
me. What a rush!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Just so
you know; sea turtle conservation and protection is a VERY big deal here. Upon
checking in we were presented with rules in regards to accommodating these
floating tanks. They are as follows:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Never
disturb the sea turtles, their nests or their path</i> – they don’t want to
hear the latest Nickelback CD, you can’t make a sea turtle egg omelet, and they
have the infinite right of way. This would be simpler if I had any clue what a
nest looks like and the paths, seeing as they are on a beach, tend to lose the
track rather quickly. Surf does that to things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">After
dusk, close the curtains of the beach front facing units</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shore lights will discourage the mother
turtles from coming ashore to nest. – </i>Apparently sea turtles don’t have
access to sunglasses (no ears to hold them on, either). In an odd turn of
events, one is allowed to blunder around on the pitch black beach (without a
flashlight). Why one would want to do this, I’m not sure. But since it was
permitted, we did it. Thankfully no one tripped over these shy creatures or I’d
be writing this from turtle jail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Flush with self-satisfaction in
delaying a small amphibious creatures consumption, we make the conscious
decision to go out for seafood in order to eat far less adorable creatures.
There is a price to pay for being homely and having no PR. The price involves
gutting, boiling oil and crispy breading. Were the perceptions of cuteness
altered, think of the effect (Kardashian fillets anyone?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Somehow,
my normally enviro-conscious wife adopted the culinary ferocity of Jack the
Ripper. After trying (unsuccessfully), to get me to order ‘dolphin fingers’,
she did succeed in my ordering of Alligator fritters. Why she cannot order
these things herself is a mystery, likely tied into a future plea-bargain if
the authorities arrive. Just for the record, ‘gator tastes like rubbery chicken
(no, not a rubber chicken). It’s tasty and despite my poor description, is not
at all like rubber band soaked in bullion. Thankfully, actual chicken is
cheaper, tastier, and has less chance of ripping one’s legs off or dragging
them to a bottom of a swamp to tenderize before eating. Being ugly may have
drawbacks, but being mean and ugly has certain benefits.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
we were guiltlessly in <em>ugly creature dining mode</em>, Angie ordered Tilapia
prepared in a vague Italianish manner while I munched on what might be the
ugliest fish short of Abe Vigoda – Grouper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For
those that missed Jacques Cousteau, the grouper is a very large and bulky fish
that has a mouth the size of a single car garage. Besides being esthetically
displeasing, it is doubly cursed with being delicious. Imagine a haddock fillet
the size of half a sleeping bag. Now imagine it covered in cornflakes and fried
to crispy perfection. Then imagine being charged $25 to eat it – and not
complaining. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
have no idea what a tilapia looks like, but it is apparently also cursed with
being yummy so I have to assume it has a face like Sandra Bernhard, a
personality like Sandra Bernhard, or both. Maybe cannibals should look into
this. Get Kathy Griffith while you’re at it. The Tonight Show won't miss them anymore -- trust me on this. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Flush
with our violent appetites satiated, we returned to frolic in the empty pool
then wander around a pitch dark beach, hoping we didn’t step on the same
creatures we vowed to protect – at least until they show up on the menu.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p>The day thus ends in a fashion that is none of your business. Just tune in for the next installment.</o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-46265243901087643852012-09-10T13:51:00.002-04:002012-09-10T17:19:31.216-04:00Latent Honeymoon: Part Two<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqg3WM0uyJ3ABgevp0ay6YuZNptgtGA2tUroQoqO-VkngTydgUitrBssOc_Jb6OgtaAN_fnUMdVcHK1rJR9JOFI0bc4And48qhx5Xt0uSLPAtBbinjFLkg236LaTguNHcOyrmkDojR6Ast/s1600/mystery+palace+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqg3WM0uyJ3ABgevp0ay6YuZNptgtGA2tUroQoqO-VkngTydgUitrBssOc_Jb6OgtaAN_fnUMdVcHK1rJR9JOFI0bc4And48qhx5Xt0uSLPAtBbinjFLkg236LaTguNHcOyrmkDojR6Ast/s320/mystery+palace+2.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Two: Settling in<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
place is still gorgeous. Having breakfast out on the sunny deck (fried eggs and
onion bagel with coffee) was a soothing joy. The wind made the heat pleasant
and I even got a bit of sun. Even the run to a strange hybrid of pharmacy/grocery
store unearthed charming surprises.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A walk
on the beach and dip in the warm ocean water made the early afternoon. The
pelicans were gracefully grazing the ocean’s surface and the cloud of
dragonflies in an odd ritual was fascinating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then it
started to go wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Our
first mistake, visiting the pool.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In all,
the pool/ hot tub area is a tasteful place. There was a pleasant cross section
of polite elderly and polite Spanish speaking folk. The sun was out, the breeze
was right, everything was going nicely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
usual, when things are quiet and relaxing, you know what’s going to happen and
who’s going to screw it up. Enter; three of the white trashiest white trash
bunches you can possibly imagine, arriving like the Mongol horde with their
loud, rude mouth-breathing DNA chain in tow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, if
this was just a travel weary crew that was looking to unwind after arriving at
their destination, that’s cool. The issue is that they brought their Sally
Jessie Raphael worthy squabbles to air – loudly – so we ALL got to enjoy them.
So we endured the sparring, screaming, rotten brats fiddling with the
handicapped equipment without doo-rag wearing loaded parents saying a word and
filed out of the area, group by group, ceding ground to the ambitiously obnoxious.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Weren’t
people like this why Disneyworld was created? Why are they two hours south of
that destination? Am I going to get lucky and maybe hear that they are going to
drive on to Cuba?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anyway,
to forget the damned, the bride and I make plans for dinner. She is in a
chicken type of mood, a fare that seems to be in short supply in this seafood
and steak climate. I decide to take a monumental risk and find the location of
a supposedly well-received Greek restaurant twenty minutes’ drive away, name...well...let's call it <em>The Parthenot</em>. The menu has a plethora of chicken dishes and (of course)
offers one of my very favorite foods of all times – stuffed grape leaves or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dolmades</i>. In my experience, Greek
restaurants also have some of the best coffee. That goes well with another dessert
fave, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">baklava</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
really should have known better, so I must take a portion of the blame for what
happens next. It’s not like there is a significant Greek community to support
such an establishment, regardless of comparable climates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
first indication that my judgment was flawed hit us as soon as we left the car.
Greek music was blaring from inside the building. We open the door and are
greeted by a substantial crowd and – get this – a blond haired, barely eighteen
looking belly dancer, outfitted with Steve Nick’s eighties ensemble after it
was passed through a wood-chipper and dancing to the odd discordant Greek
parody music..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
look my wife gave me was not “Good choice”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
we were there and the collection of families were encouraging this cultural
mish-mash (Really, would you accept Geisha Girls waiting on you in a Chinese
restaurant?), we were lead to a table, our drink and appetizer orders taken (in
the local tradition, they do not have a full liquor license, so ouzo was out of
the question). The only thing missing, other than cultural relevance, was
napkins and silverware. Apparently the wait staff was a distracted by the floor
show as the patrons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thankfully,
onion rings (Angie’s fave) are finger foods. The problem was there weren’t even
curtains to wipe our fingers on. Since Angie had a new blouse, bought for the
trip, it was up to me to shoot up a flare gun to get someone’s attention at
this oversight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We let
that pass and thankfully the odd show came to its conclusion, dropping the volume
of the discordant music from ear-splitting to merely obnoxious. Added bonus; we
are presented with actual utensils – things are looking up, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
food comes and I look down at my plate, spotting 8 odd looking tiny lumps of
grape leaf covered fair, next to a pile of rice ‘pilaf’ that appears to have
come from a boil-in-bag mix. Regardless, I venture forth and pop a dolmade in
my mouth – and nearly gag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I cut
up another one and look at it, then a third to make sure I’m not hallucinating.
I’m not. I’ve just been presented with a $15 plate of Greek rice roll sushi
that was boiled for a period of time that could be measured geologically. Maybe
the rice is better than it looks? Wrong again. There is no orzo and the
seasoning mix is like someone dropped the spice tray into the pot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Uhm…waitress?”
I grab her attention when beer #2 is presented.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Is
everything alright?” She cocks her head like a German Sheppard that has heard a
high-pitched tone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I
ordered <em>dolmades</em>, you know…stuffed grape leaves.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yes,
that’s what that is.” She points down, in case I’ve mistaken my plate for the
bowl of sugar packets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“There
is no meat in these. No lamb, no beef, just…rice pudding.” I point down at the
plate as well, signifying that I can indeed identify an entrée.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yes,
that’s how we make them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“But
you call them <em>dolmades</em>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yes,
that’s what they are.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No –
there are not. Stuffed grape leaves have ground lamb or beef or both with
seasonings. This is rice wrapped in mulch.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“But…that’s
how we make them. Is the rice alright?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Obviously
one of us is missing the point. Angie, sensing an eruption, shakes her head and
focuses on her far better prepared (albeit, in no way Greek), chicken dish,
called a Greek taco (apparently the intent is to offend several cultures at
once).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“The
rice isn’t pilaf and these are not <em>dolmades</em>.” I try again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Do you
need more lemon sauce?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Will
that make them spontaneously sprout ground lamb?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No…”
she takes a step back, “But I can bring you a plate of lamb.” She offers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Great,
a kit form entrée. She hurries off before I can confuse her more and brings me
a small plate of what appears to be, and actually is, gyro innards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“This
is processed gyro meat.” I point down again, lest we revisit the plate
confusion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Well,
you wouldn’t want a big chunk of lamb, right?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>God
forbid, why would a part Syrian and longtime Greek food enthusiast want a plate
of icky lamb? I realize this is a futile discussion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Does
an actual Greek person own this place?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
thinks for a half minute (no word of a lie) and comes back with ‘oh yes’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Are
they here?” I slip my steak knife under the table.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No.”
she shakes her head after another very pregnant pause.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“This
is inedible.” I push the plates away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Would
you like something else?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Yes, the
check.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We can
give a complimentary dessert.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
mind boggles. If this is how they butcher a several thousand year old simple
Greek dish, the thought of what they could do to baklava is terrifying. Since I
don’t want a squashed Twinkie with honey and peanuts ladled on it and doubt
they could master the intricate art of coffee, I stick to my plan of getting
the hell out of there, ASAP. Angie is on board with this as only 1/3 of her
entrée is deemed consumable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Check…please.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That
comes sans my initial entrée, as it should. I interpret this as an indication
and agreement that neither us blight the others presence again. On that, Ms.
‘but that’s how we make them’ are in utter and complete agreement. McDonalds
could not have violated Greek cuisine any worse than this place. I’d say I’ve
given her something to consider as well, but realize that is highly unlikely.
Next week she’ll probably be working at an Applebee’s anyway – or moves up to
belly dancer (at least she was brunette).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, day
two would up with us back on our wonderful deck, listening to the sound of surf
while consuming cocktails and munching on far superior day-old leftover pizza
and cashews. At least the night ended well and provided a few cynical laughs
before bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
truth, we got very lucky the night before in finding top-notch surprisingly
authentic Italian cuisine in a place it had no right to exist. My failing was
thinking that was possible in a place that actually claimed to cater to that
ethnic menu. Live and learn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tomorrow
we’ll go to a close by Thai restaurant and sample their chicken fried steak.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-5182216246957047882012-09-10T13:48:00.002-04:002012-09-10T17:09:27.501-04:00Latent Honeymoon: Part One<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day One: Invasion: Friday<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Couldn’t
have arrived in Florida with finer omens. We landed 20 minutes sooner than
predicted (Favorable conditions), the flight was only ¾ full (with NO screaming
brat immediately in front or behind) and the weather was clear and bright
(albeit searing).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGRFohprLjiiDvBF9TxjocQ5sBGJ_hIlFCF35SalYbsmMQexQ5rPkc9hM4hJRWmbv_qPb1ByLTpey0OL_EYkMJe7qs3gwHUkrDitBsmWPZbOBpJEhiY3KCkE96Hk3OC99NFZsG0ur9fNrg/s1600/room+with+a+morning+view.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGRFohprLjiiDvBF9TxjocQ5sBGJ_hIlFCF35SalYbsmMQexQ5rPkc9hM4hJRWmbv_qPb1ByLTpey0OL_EYkMJe7qs3gwHUkrDitBsmWPZbOBpJEhiY3KCkE96Hk3OC99NFZsG0ur9fNrg/s320/room+with+a+morning+view.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
lady at the car rental counter and I just happened to share a birthdate. That,
coupled with Angie and my politeness and charm yielded us a degree of good
fortune. Immediately sought out by a charismatic gent in the garage, we were
escorted past the rows of Sentras and butt-ugly Chrysler 200s and presented with
a very handsome and classy 2012, gunmetal gray metallic Camry, just washed. Oh
yes, my new garage pal, Greg was tipped well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With my
trusty Magellan GPS hooked up, we never set a wheel wrong. The car feels as big
as my Buick and soaked up highway miles like a dream. I need a name for this
temporary steed. We bonded quickly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Florida
drivers are relatively courteous. No doubt a surprise to couple trained in the
<em>take-no-prisoners</em> New England school. This may have something to do with a
State Trooper positioned every ten miles, but whatever, I like the end result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Other
than a swarm of bugs that had my trusty (and still unnamed) chariot covered in
a gooey glaze of deceased insect parts, the ride was straight and true with my
lovely wife hoppin’ and boppin’ to classic rock, pouring from the unnamed
Camry’s impressive sound system. A quick stop at a gas station for bottled
water and a serious windshield squeegee cleared most of the carnage. A brief
but substantial rain squall took care of the rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
we were both excited to see the place, the view, the layout (Ok, we wanted the
use of a private bathroom), we headed straight to Jensen beach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There,
the story got better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
place, a corner unit with an ocean-facing deck that can house a couple
shuffleboard courts, came complete with a dining set and a pair of lounge
chairs. I am writing this journal from the table now, soaking in the sound of
surf and enjoying the morning breeze. Too bad if you’re jealous, this is <strong><em>our</em></strong>
vacation/honeymoon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tasteful
and roomy inside as well, I can’t imagine a better place to stay for the week.
‘Condo’ doesn’t seem to do it justice, not with a wonderful Bose wave sound
system (already well-used) and three giant televisions (that I have yet to even
turn on). They may have to ply me out of this place with a SWAT team by next
Friday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Regardless,
the palace did not come equipped with food, necessitating a supply run and
sustenance. I’d stupidly not eaten anything other than a blueberry muffin 12
hours earlier and was ready to gnaw my own arm off. This, coupled with the lack
of vacation/honeymoon beverages, desperately needed to be addressed. This late
lunch (NE Seafood – what the hell was I thinking?) was underwhelming but the
good nature of everyone outweighed the overdone haddock. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Since
we are familiar with the place, a 'super' WalMart cut down the shopping for
items. I was forced to remind my significant other that we are situated on the
sixth floor of the complex, so the services of Sherpa’s may be needed. She
looked at me and smiled, her expression saying “<em>did you think I just brought
you along for your charming company</em>?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We made
to the room in one trip. My arms are now five feet long but there is beer in
the fridge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After
unpacking, unwinding and unthinking, we started to explore our beachside
surroundings. Nothing disappointed. That water is warm and the beach is long
and awaits a pleasant walk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
first things first. My lovely bride had gone 3 whole days without pizza by
eight pm and was showing visible signs of cheese deprivation. Out of concern
for her well-being, we walked the quarter mile to a small pizzeria with the
obvious name of Surfside Pizzeria Bar and Grill. Two pizza snobs would normally
approach a place like this with some trepidation, but only one of us was
operating at optimal non-pizza starved efficiency. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Looks
and expectations can often be wrong, as was the case here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
bartended and part-owner, a charismatic type named Bill, takes an admirable
pride in his pizza and Italian food prowess. As well he should. It turns out
Bill is a displaced New Yorker, a land where a pizza slight can get you killed.
Regardless, the locals seem more interested with less swarthy fare, seeking
gravy covered items poised next to mounds of mashed potatoes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bill is
about to have the spotlight of two serious pizza aficionados cast upon him. He
matches our steely gaze, takes our ingredient combination order (which he
admitted had never heard before) and, in the nature of an Italian gunslinger,
came out shooting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In the
end, it was two NH snobs that had blinked. We ordered green olives, broccoli,
sausage and bacon, FOOLISHLY omitting the one item that would have made this
pie perfect – onions. The barkeep gunslinger was generous in victory, however.
Then, as if an otherwise delightful pizza wasn’t enough, he sunk the hooks
deep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
man, 1500 miles away from his native turf, surrounded by chicken fried steak
enthusiasts, had – homemade cannoli. Again the steely gaze came. Again he
smiled knowingly and headed off to the kitchen. Again, out perceptions were
shattered. They were very good (3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup> best I ever had) and Bill has
two big fans now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
palatial surrounding, relaxed, stuffed, comfy and knowing that very acceptable
pizza is available close by, our long delayed honeymoon had so far been a
raging success. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That
brings me back to the deck, soaking in copious UV rays and wondering what today
holds in store.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I can
hardly wait…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-12658466184492149622012-08-12T10:04:00.002-04:002012-08-12T10:56:58.242-04:00The fine art of titilation, romance, and a brave new word<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWqsVG4QH8RxyIG_Cn5iZupVQQ5IvL0FZIxv8j5TeaaICfA3XktL38dTWsTfNKFh-cwcZ9BEsE5Xtvg99RpW7EIVVnwrwHsiE22PMHflEyr-SZMTGnRbipAxqgJW6vLB77LFX9E01ChNv/s1600/9219_170162541313_529816313_3348356_6542989_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWqsVG4QH8RxyIG_Cn5iZupVQQ5IvL0FZIxv8j5TeaaICfA3XktL38dTWsTfNKFh-cwcZ9BEsE5Xtvg99RpW7EIVVnwrwHsiE22PMHflEyr-SZMTGnRbipAxqgJW6vLB77LFX9E01ChNv/s320/9219_170162541313_529816313_3348356_6542989_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I
read a lot. Normally may tastes run to horror, literary fiction, thrillers and
a few history (human and mechanical) mixed with a dash of humor. Regardless,
romance was never on my serving platter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Or
so I thought.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Upon
reflection, I realized that many of the horror and thriller books had romance
as a crucial component. Some even had sex, albeit the executions of the scenes
were constructed with varying degrees of success. Granted, it wasn’t the
absolute central theme but they were there. And you know what? Take them out of
the story and the ride would have been less entertaining.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
my dozen or so followers know, I wrote an unvarnished view of the first published
book that I would consider romance. Now granted, this book is so polarizing
that many question what it is. For them, I offer the following link: <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.fromthewriteangle.com/2012/08/romance-vs-erotica-vs-porn.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">http://www.fromthewriteangle.com/2012/08/romance-vs-erotica-vs-porn.html</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
the esteemed Ms. Lopez so eloquently illustrates, there can be a way to
categorize fish, fowl, and…well…a different type of fishy fowl (flying fish?).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now,
I have had a couple great talks with this writer and I enjoy her view on the
subject immensely. Adept at talking mechanics, style, emotion, never once was I
ever made to feel embarrassed by how she addressed subjects. She approaches her
selected craft with grace and intelligence, seeking no apology and offering
none – nor should she.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
enough with the singing praise for J. Lea Lopez. She doesn’t need my fawning
attention. This is (as usual) about me. i.e. I told you that story so I could tell
you this one.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
one of five men in the known universe that has apparently read the first ’50 Shades’
book – and openly admitted it – I have since been extended the offer on no less
than five occasions to read the sequels. These offers come to me with
anticipation on the part of those readers that were captivated by the book (all
hard copy, no pirating). Still, I have held my hand up while considering the
offers. The look of disappointment on their faces is measurable, and I respect
these people enough that it causes a touch of guilt. All these people are
intelligent and professionals in their field. All were also analytical enough
to admit that the writing style had (ahem) certain flaws. This is, however,
beside the point.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
think I treated the book fairly in my analysis, even if I did present my
findings with humor and some fiction (my wife has many reasons to be occasionally
embarrassed by me, but humiliating her in a supermarket never happened. I only
triggered an impromptu discussion group at the checkout line. It wasn’t like I
was polling people while they were ruminating over which breakfast cereal to
purchase). That being said, while I’ve defended the book in regards to the
misconceptions about it, I’m sure there are better examples of romance I can
peruse.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
know, I know. ‘Nice time to get picky, Revo. What’s the matter, are you afraid
of a couple books?’</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
short answer; no. The long answer; not in the least.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m
not saying I won’t buckle to the pressure. I rather enjoy discussing books with
people. Hell, Nelson DeMille and Douglas Preston/Lincoln Child should be giving
me kickback for all the praise to other readers I’ve offered. When I like a
book, I want to see if others share in the experience, if for no other reason
than it provides something to discuss other than the weather (a constant overriding
them in New England, BTW).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What
I am saying – to go full circle – is that if I do read the sequels, I will do
it with a far more comfortable mindset than I had before reading the first
book. I am no longer on the outside looking in. I am not following biased
opinion based on ‘excerpts’. Can you imagine if Tom Sawyer was presented to you
by means of snippets with agendas? There would be maybe a half dozen copies left
in this country.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No,
I’ve stepped through the portal and took the first few steps into a new world,
and thanks to passionate readers I know and writers like Ms. Lopez, my horizons
are broadened for doing so.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="huge1"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">“Of
course, there's a certain type of person who feels that anything which becomes
mainstream has to be rejected immediately. And that's part of the
indie-alternative snobbery and hierarchy and elitism.”</span></i></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> –Alex Kapranos</span></i></span></span></span>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-85679090432678735842012-08-03T16:13:00.001-04:002012-08-03T16:15:26.453-04:00New Friends<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: cyan; font-family: inherit;">
Suzie says: This
one's my favorite. First, it showcases the author's voice (not easy in so few
words) and made me laugh. Equally important is that the ending resonates with
the beginning. It goes somewhere. There's a point to it (the odd way friendships
sometimes come about). In between, there was conflict. Taken together, it feels
like a complete story. Outstanding. </div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Slade and I had few things in common other than
our profession. Hitmen are choosy who they drink with.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
That was before the blond nutcase with the horned
helmet appeared, right after we woke up inside a cage with swords in our
hands.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Two warriors that kill without remorse,” her
voice echoed across the deserted warehouse. “I will decide who gains access to
the hallowed hall of Valhalla!”</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Slade and I exchanged knowing looks. It must be a
full moon. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Arm yourselves so that the game begins and victor
is brought before Odin!”</div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSYwzZg_XnCkW-UXxTDxkDUku_7uo17KHCZ5cdaIGjxIZsuhEwvstBLED0ZQboCWhdkgD2Bfyr2T3MHmbxJM86ovo1ooTwU4LIsrslgRjnl_0EIMndBvAj2uTBkTbAaZbfJ8X_LEDctiYu/s1600/ThursThreads+Winner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSYwzZg_XnCkW-UXxTDxkDUku_7uo17KHCZ5cdaIGjxIZsuhEwvstBLED0ZQboCWhdkgD2Bfyr2T3MHmbxJM86ovo1ooTwU4LIsrslgRjnl_0EIMndBvAj2uTBkTbAaZbfJ8X_LEDctiYu/s400/ThursThreads+Winner.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fourth time is a charm!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Slade casually moved toward the bars. “You want
money, is that it?” </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“I wanna be a Valkyrie! Now fight so I may banish
the vanquished and prove myself.”</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Hey,” I grabbed the stare of unblinking blue eyes
with crazy-lady pinwheels spinning behind them. “Don’t Valkyries decide who
wins?”</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
She’s unsure and steps closer to the bars. While
focused on me, Slade scooped up the sword and ran it through her silver plastic
chest plate. I pulled her forward by her neck. Those nutty orbs finally blinked
as a trickle of blood drizzled from her comically open mouth.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Stick a knife in a lunatic and the sanity hits
them quick. That’s therapy you just can’t buy.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Guess she screwed up the deciding part.” Slade
smirked.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Beer?” I grab the keys from her belt.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“You buying?” She drops after he pulls out the
sword.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
“Sure, you did the work.”</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Friendships are funny. It’s the little things that
start them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<em>I owe a shout out to Siobhanhttp://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/ , the host of this fun contest and the judge Suzie Quint. You certainly got a hot sticky weekend off on the right foot for this ambitious hack!</em></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-66286048176750387772012-07-24T16:16:00.000-04:002012-07-25T06:29:12.615-04:00A Few Shades of Revo<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYnxA6RP6WcTexNIfiwEXe8FmEIW29Er0Jd1ILLHh-F3fTW6NTjhyphenhyphennRmdIua50Go_NOudiUMTcYdKRrCItRdCEDl7K6YS-fMRsDJFOgy-eYapi_kAw5vloEw6bT0Ia_lIRrUufjGzLB20s/s1600/AV3+BW+total.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYnxA6RP6WcTexNIfiwEXe8FmEIW29Er0Jd1ILLHh-F3fTW6NTjhyphenhyphennRmdIua50Go_NOudiUMTcYdKRrCItRdCEDl7K6YS-fMRsDJFOgy-eYapi_kAw5vloEw6bT0Ia_lIRrUufjGzLB20s/s400/AV3+BW+total.JPG" width="400" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t help it. I root for the underdog. The problem with
that is ‘underdogism’ (trademark pending) remains open to conjecture. Was Darth
Vader an underdog because he was surrounded by white plastic clad buffoons that
that couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat? It’s all a matter of
perspective, in my book. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, I rooted for Vader, the cool black clad one-not the
whiny emo one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What’s my point? I’m glad you asked. I’m here to offer my
unflinching review of what may be the most popular book of the year. That’s
right. A person with a Y chromosome has read 50 shades of Grey and lived to
tell about it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wait a minute, you point out. A story that at this point has
been on the New York Times bestselling e book list for 23 weeks, will likely
soon be on a Burger King glass, a Wii game and trigger a line of kinky fashion
accessories, is a victim of ‘underdogism’ (trademark still pending)??</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The short answer is…yes, depending on point of view.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, a little background; I spend far too much time on a
writer’s site. They’re a fun bunch and it’s great to be able to hang with
people who share pain, victories, and the occasional realization that whatever
we’ve written has been done a hundred times before. That said, I hang with the
fourth perceived looniest type on the planet (behind Musicians, actors and
pro-athletes) so take my views with a fist-sized grain of salt.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also spent time in the real world, i.e. working, shopping,
waiting at Jiffy-Lube, pumping gas, etc. People are social animals at heart and
I’m a people kinda’ guy. So I get into a lot of conversations. I’ve only been
pepper sprayed a couple times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve discovered, using a little informal sociology
experiment, that the world is split into two groups. They are writers that
despise the ‘book’ with the heat of a thousand suns and haven’t read it, versus
readers who have and enjoy it enough to gobble it up like E.T. on a
cannabis-induced Reese’s Pieces bender.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let me share with you the results of my study:</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Group One;
Writers.</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>Method</strong></i> </u>- using a
chat environment typing the following words; “I’m reading 50 Shades of Grey”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Mode</strong></u></i> - written
interaction</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Objective</strong></u></i> – gauge
response from a sample grouping, incite snide and snobbish snickers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Feedback statistics</strong></u></i>;</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">70% - “I
read excerpts online and it disgusted me.”</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">15% - “Friends,
family and/or coworkers have read it and they now disgust me.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">10% - “I
clawed my eyes out after 40 pages, soaked my e reader in gasoline and burned
it.”</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">4% - “I’m
thinking of reading it too; tell me what you think when you’re done.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">1% - “I read
it.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Summary</strong></u></i> – “People just don’t recognize
quality writing no matter how much we try to inform them what it is. This whole
writing thing would be a great gig if it wasn’t for those pains in the ass
readers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Why can't they just get into elf sex? At least that's not icky."</span></span><br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Group Two; Readers</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Method</strong></u></i> – feigning
random conversation, make a trivial statement to my wife about the book in a
supermarket checkout line.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Mode</strong></u></i> – verbal interaction</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Objective</strong></u></i> – gauge
response from sample group, ignore screaming spoiled brat two rows over that
wants gummy worms.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Feedback statistics</strong></u></i>;</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">72% - “Oh my
goodness…I’m reading the sequel now. Don’t you love it?”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">13% - “My
daughter gave me the book and I just have to finish since I started it. She
loved it”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">8% - “You’re
reading it? But…you’re a guy!” (Looks at embarrassed wife who is avoiding eye contact)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">6% - “I’ll
give you ten bucks right now if you club that screaming brat’s parents with
your Kindle.”</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">1% - “I am <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never </i>taking you grocery shopping with
me again.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>Summary</strong></u></i> – “Sex is fun to read about,
kinky sex is better. Plots that move fast are entertaining. The store brand of
that chili is just as good. Give that damn kid his stupid friggin’ gummy worms
then get the hell out of the store before we strangle him.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you can
see, telling figures indeed. Added bonus; I got out of grocery shopping.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Review:<o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since I
promised others I would venture forth and provide my unvarnished opinion of
this opus, I feel it is necessary to include my take on this cultural <s>phenomenon</s>
<s>affront</s> thing. I shall break it down into separate components, using a
number system ranging from * (Horrid) to ***** (Superb)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong><u>The Writing</u></strong></i> – (**) The first fifty pages
or so are *. After the fog lifts, the repetition parts and it works rather well.
I enjoy first person perspective when done well. Alas, there are better
examples of this approach. Still, the writer gets the point across clearly. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong><u>The Pace</u></strong></i> – (***) Again, get past the
rocky start and it moves along quickly. Chapters are broken up well to capture
each progressive stage of the story and most are short enough to be read in the
bathroom or while the wife lingers in the produce section.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong><u>The Characters</u></strong></i> – (**1/2) Sure, they
inhabit the extreme ends of the spectrum in regards to stereotype, but they are
clearly defined and consistent. In fact, they even grow a bit and get smarter
as the story progresses. In the case of the MC, it’s hard to imagine her
getting dumber but I have to give credit where credit is due.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u><strong>The Quality</strong></u></i> – (**) Make no mistake; this
is box wine, pepperoni pizza and Twinkies as opposed to a three-star Michelin
Guide eatery, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s readily consumed and seating
is always available. You try living on foie gras and Dom Perignon for a year
with a baked Alaska chaser. You’d be dead before the six-month mark. Equate
that to reading nothing but ponderous but oh-so-eloquent over-description for a
few month and most readers would end up in a rubber room, begging for an Archie
comic. The story has a few logistical holes you can drive a truck through and
the written reality is shaky at best but never has it been said that Bestseller
= Epic Quality.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u><strong><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Overall</i> </strong></u>– (***) Like an
intercontinental ballistic missile, this story was built for a purpose. It does
not advance the state of the art, excessively challenge a reader or explore new
perceptions and realities. It is a delivery vehicle for titillation and a mild
taboo break-room conversation starter. In this role, 50 Shades succeeds
marvelously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t look too
close, give up your pre-conceived notions and make your thoughts and vision go
slightly fuzzy, one can even enjoy the overall read.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could
delve into the plot but I am not a person that gives ‘spoilers’. I will say
that, contrary to many of the puritan complaints I’ve heard, the MC is hardly a
victim and the sex is consensual in the extreme (it’s written in contract form, open to negotiation). In fact, there’s even a well-executed psychological tug of war
going on as well. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That said,
I’ll have to mull for a week or four if I want to read the next two. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The upside:
I didn’t feel like I needed a long shower and Comet scrub upon finishing the
book. If you don’t believe it, read it for yourself.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em><u><strong>Revo’s Final
Rating</strong></u></em> - based on average – (**1/2)</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Okay, Smart Ass. What does all this
mean?</span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a writer you can blog, social network, read
trade papers, hump agent’s legs, surf the net, get a restraining order placed
against you by the local book store, even (heaven forbid) interact with actual
analog people and still not have a clue what the reading public will embrace -
and buy.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a reader, one tawdry cheap pulp still has
more appeal than some highbrow period piece that describes a tree in just over
twelve breathtaking pages.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Blaming this book for degrading sexual
proclivities makes as much sense and blaming Peter Benchley for hunting certain
breeds of sharks to extinction, Mario Puzo glamorizing the mafia, JK Rowling
for brainwashing young reader to practice pagan rituals or Ronald McDonald for
the quality of Happy Meal toys.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sex is one consistent sell and MOST EVERYONE is
buying. Romance is nice too but we don’t get all freaky about it.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the interest of peace, either buy the little
monster gummy worms or leave him with the sitter before you shop…please.</span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-80067794531149228602012-05-18T09:49:00.001-04:002012-05-18T09:49:55.334-04:00Elected to Run<em>Here's my latest Flash Fic for</em>: <a href="http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/05/thursthreads-challenge-that-ties-tales_17.html">http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/05/thursthreads-challenge-that-ties-tales_17.html</a> . <em>It's not my normal stuff (If I had normal stuff). I also took the liberty of fixing a few typos I made when submitting (oops). Such is the curs of never giving more that 20 minutes effort on Flash Fic.</em><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’d run my steed into the ground during my flight,
leaving me to wind my way on foot through the perilous mire of the swamps. Still,
in the distance I sensed my relentless pursuer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_7h4mAMJoaO5OdevS5dl9q2339braHBcC4ylMDi_gYy1cIoOORS6Sf8x1Q6uUySIP0_fzGYRFmzrMxhM1gCRFGjUwqR613f8nTTjkATRpv62biYjaeAo42Fdq2sND2xQsieNlRoy_Id1/s1600/revo+fire+2small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_7h4mAMJoaO5OdevS5dl9q2339braHBcC4ylMDi_gYy1cIoOORS6Sf8x1Q6uUySIP0_fzGYRFmzrMxhM1gCRFGjUwqR613f8nTTjkATRpv62biYjaeAo42Fdq2sND2xQsieNlRoy_Id1/s1600/revo+fire+2small.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Onward I trekked, braving the forest where goblin cannibals
stalked me. I had no time for their culinary oddities; the nameless beast was
still on my trail.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It seemed that for half my life I’d been preyed upon.
It was so long ago, but the memories hadn't faded. All I knew was to keep on
the move, ignoring my fatigue.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally I reached my mountain home, climbing on my
hands and knees, praying the foul demon that remained glued to my scent dropped
in exhaustion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Poor judgment that had me scaling the wrong bluff.
Before me stood a hundred foot drop, emptying into nothing but jagged rock. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My choices we simple, take my own life or face the
hellspawn that stalked me. I drew my sword and stood square, my legs braced.
Through the shadowy mist, the cloaked figure approached, close enough that I
could smell its brimstone breath.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It dropped its hood as fire red eyes cut through me.
It reached inside its cloak and held a stone tablet as a voice from the very
depth of hell burbled from a terrible void. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I hope I haven’t caught you at a
bad time, but in the coming magical uprising, do you favor Glorthog the
Omnipotent or the almighty Valdimesh?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I thrust myself from the ledge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-17045824272380209672012-05-11T09:59:00.001-04:002012-05-11T09:59:08.728-04:00The Soul and Sweet Tea contest winner<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9LksvTZMJ83eWHMKERjnLilXvWfaOS9umma1zSdVHxUpfg4NnvmxXy_L8_n7SskDhw8uGc-72K20RSEKad6yoc7zD3fx0zEva7c_8fymiWfrZFBGX-CvSSO9XIuL_r3zIM-AAiZBIUUQ/s1600/sweetteagrab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9LksvTZMJ83eWHMKERjnLilXvWfaOS9umma1zSdVHxUpfg4NnvmxXy_L8_n7SskDhw8uGc-72K20RSEKad6yoc7zD3fx0zEva7c_8fymiWfrZFBGX-CvSSO9XIuL_r3zIM-AAiZBIUUQ/s1600/sweetteagrab.jpg" /></a>The hotel was as good a place as any to lay low. Set far enough into the cypress swamps it existed where GPS maps drop off. It was just me, a meager staff, the gators and a big bag of money.<br /><br />“Mr. Drake?” The words followed a knock at the door. “A Mr. Lane arrived. He asked about you.”<br /><br />Perfect. The one person I didn’t want to find me -- does. <br /><br />“Thanks June, tell him to meet me by the dock. I’ll be right down.”<br /><br />Lane is a born hunter, a bull shark that swims with goldfish. There are only two problems with that; I’m not a goldfish and this is my pond.<br /><br />I watch through my window, seeing the man in the linen suit and white fedora meander closer to the brackish water’s edge. If I breathe in deep I can smell the North Country. He’s out of his element.<br /><br />He wants his cut, and for his sins, he’s about to get it. The gators love the perfume of blood.<br /><br />Rather than grab a pile of bills I put a pair of pennies in my pocket. Someone has to pay the ferryman.<br /><br />After all, it’s the least I could do.Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-56844295591225562622012-04-04T16:58:00.003-04:002012-04-04T17:00:43.841-04:00WriterWorld of Horrors Part Two<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2D-ytGp-l0Yu53RNbZdoHkvaYQhZwp_SFMaZX1V4Zf84BN_FVfwWFNlsTS1qeYbKREiz_30rWKC8A_l3e1ey85eDmLg64Z8r4LKWJAK4Mh8MZQsxGwt7VmNye8nH1J6nx7Sipqw2fexnz/s1600/DSCF4299.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2D-ytGp-l0Yu53RNbZdoHkvaYQhZwp_SFMaZX1V4Zf84BN_FVfwWFNlsTS1qeYbKREiz_30rWKC8A_l3e1ey85eDmLg64Z8r4LKWJAK4Mh8MZQsxGwt7VmNye8nH1J6nx7Sipqw2fexnz/s320/DSCF4299.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s time for the next round of rides at WriterWorld
Theme Park! Come on in. Enjoy the cotton candy and chili dogs. Bring a friend.
Bring two friends. Just remember to bring your MS as well.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s
A Stalled World:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Take a journey through novel writing in a thousand
pound single-seat railcar through a selection of simulated plotlines over a
sinuous railway. When the plotline no longer makes sense, your railcar stalls
and the brakes lock. You get out and push while audibly revising the plotline
coherently to briefly unlock the brakes, allowing you to move to the next point
of the story. If your heart explodes* before reaching the exit, you lose. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">*NOTE:<em> Exploded hearts victims are rewarded with a
voucher for a 20% price reduction for their next park visit.</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Query Go-Round:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look at the lovely painted horses, bobbing up and
down as they spin in non-stop circles. Select your steed then note the manacles
that attach themselves around your ankles. Your job; note the flaw in each
horses appearance and enter it on a mounted touchscreen. Get the answers right
and manacles release so you can progress to a new horse to repeat the cycle.
The objective is to reach the flawless horse** that doesn’t hold you prisoner. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">**NOTE:<em> It doesn’t exist.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Pantser Pavilion/Outline Odyssey:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t like outlines? This interactive challenge is
perfect for those that thrive on spontaneity. Using only a hammer, saw and
nails, you are provided with a pile of lumber. Your task? Build an entertaining
but coherent maze without plans. The catch? The room has no exit until you make
it yourself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Outline Odyssey follows the same idea as the
Pantser Pavilion but with a twist. You are provided a comprehensive map to
follow through a maze. The catch? The plans don’t match the maze you have to
navigate. Use the ten-pound sledgehammer you are issued upon entry at your
discretion to create a timeless, flowing exit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Actual
Contractual Keno: </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Painted on the floor of a locked room is a
publishing contract. You are issued a chunk of driveway chalk and tasked with
marking up all the points of the contract for review. You have one hour. Do it
right and you get a $10 voucher at our snack bar. Do it wrong and we keep your
clothes and your car***. No Takes Backs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">***NOTE: <em>In the event no car is available you will
be requested to sign an agreement for your first-born, cat, dog, computer,
publishing rights and/or estate****.</em></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">****NOTE: <em>We’d really prefer the car.</em><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Revision Rapids:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Going green can be fun! A hollowed out log carries
you down a genuine rapid flume trail, providing chills, thrill and motivation.
All you have to do is finish the final revision of you MS before you hit the
track switching station. Hand off your completed rework and you get to enjoy
the final dive downwards into a pool of champagne. The other route feeds
directly into a wood chipper so the pulp can be reprocessed into paper for
future thrill-seekers. Yes, this is also an opportunity for you to be recycled
as a part of someone else’s work, albeit as particulate matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Fantasy/Sci-Fry dunking booth:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The seat is comfy, the booth is warm. The reason; a
fantasy or science-fiction writer is perched on a trap door above a vat of
boiling canola oil (peanut oil was suggested earlier but we were concerned
about allergic reactions). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You are tasked with providing a one minute verbal
synopsis of your MS. A scoreboard next to you keeps count. You are allowed the
use of three words that are meaningless to anyone else, referring to either
race of people, locations or creatures. Should you succeed, you are granted a
blog interview with a secondary character from one of many failed
sci-fi/fantasy TV shows. Go over that limit and spray-jets coat you in our
delicious proprietary batter before the floor drops open. Secondary prizes are
awarded for tenderness and the consistency of the golden brown covering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sound exciting, right? We’re betting you can’t wait
to give us a try.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Besides being fun we provide a valuable learning
experience that is sure to harden the squishiest of scribes. The park layout is
nearly set and any more ideas for attractions will be closed for submitting
soon. All we need to get this going is a location that provides loose legal
conditions and, preferably, no extradition.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">See ya’ there!<o:p></o:p></span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-33878432182569008042012-03-30T23:26:00.001-04:002012-03-31T18:02:46.079-04:00Thursday Threads Challenge Entry<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82hj-GD7g_yEH62PnmAKwK3sVW_eB6C9SVWW-htXc7NOVYzW2IFSCBH3sq6N9Cl8NTNPYyKdYL1iRiYZrTV0VsclpwTSo1mXT6b4m7LhdRETGVCd74EHgmzyLiRCvAjOVdX9jr5Y3ikwz/s1600/ThursThreads+HM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg82hj-GD7g_yEH62PnmAKwK3sVW_eB6C9SVWW-htXc7NOVYzW2IFSCBH3sq6N9Cl8NTNPYyKdYL1iRiYZrTV0VsclpwTSo1mXT6b4m7LhdRETGVCd74EHgmzyLiRCvAjOVdX9jr5Y3ikwz/s1600/ThursThreads+HM.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t like knives. I’ve carried a few. It’s part
of doing business these days. Sometimes when you have to make a point, a blade
can make a statement…if you know what you’re doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s why I was sharing a bottle of vodka with the
eight inch gash on my ribcage. That’s why I spoke through clenched teeth while
Rudy stitched me up, again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“It’s deep. When are you going to give this gig up?
You already look like a poster from a butcher shop.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll quit
when guys pay on time. It’s a cause and effect relationship.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’ve seen the effect. Did it fit the cause?” Rudy
snipped off the last length of thread and tossed the bloody needle in the
alcohol-filled metal tray, now cranberry red.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I pulled my stiletto and explained the facts. He
pulled out a friggin’ machete and presented a counter-proposal.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“A machete? You’re jackin’ me.” Rudy grabbed the
bottle from my hand a slugged down a shot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Oh yeah, it was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
big.” I shrugged and winced. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Did he pay?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“They all pay, one way or the other. He just paid a
little more than he expected.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I pulled out the severed ear from my shirt pocket
and tossed it onto the table. “Add this to the collection”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Rudy then slid it into the black box, now almost
full. In a fair fight against a big blade I shouldn’t have stood a chance…if I
fought fair. I don’t. Now he knows better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-41763350667750712832012-03-25T11:34:00.001-04:002012-03-25T17:49:53.468-04:00WriterWorld of Horrors<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">New
WriterWorld Theme Park<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Many who know me have come to accept (so they say),
my quest to become an ‘author’. I use that particular word to differentiate
from the word ‘writer’ which I take to mean someone that hasn’t been paid. If I’m
wrong, keep it to yourself. I really don’t care. I’m not looking up the Webster’s
definition.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As one can see in my towering and insightful previous
post, I’m new to the game. Like any clueless buffoon, I pick up info on the virtual
street, glean what I can from agent’s websites, read the established rumor mill
blogs, etc. Since I’m already writing novels, in many ways this is akin to
learning skydiving basics after you jumped from the plane. That’s probably why
there’s such a narrow margin between <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘successful
new author’</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘the dimwit that had
to be picked up from the ground with a wet/dry vacuum’. </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYx_Wp9YB_F9qFNl7Od5Ea3HgZlD5f7PYMu41xW_UGzCaTmeyV_Tqcm2GwcW60XosFLCys9pIcDRtErlI5ltOBiFxzv1YgM0a21S2WN8hBcdPZyerVuwg1rjDts5_io6cSN3VYaDMACtOf/s1600/revo+fire.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYx_Wp9YB_F9qFNl7Od5Ea3HgZlD5f7PYMu41xW_UGzCaTmeyV_Tqcm2GwcW60XosFLCys9pIcDRtErlI5ltOBiFxzv1YgM0a21S2WN8hBcdPZyerVuwg1rjDts5_io6cSN3VYaDMACtOf/s320/revo+fire.JPG" width="266" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Since learning tools are essential and since fun is…well…fun,
I’ve come up with an idea for an exciting new theme park that informs, thrills,
amuses, enlightens, and in some cases, kills.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No onto the virtual tour:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Social Media Labyrinth</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This complicated learning experience has one
entrance and three exits. In between is a series of interactive screens asking
question, your answers control servos that open select doors, permitting you to
continue to the escape you earned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Are
you a hopeless Pollyanna that sweats corn syrup with every saccharin response? </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Then you are funneled toward the exit that has a
charming elderly couple that wants to introduce you to their three dozen cats,
show you four hours of slides from their trip to Moose Jaw, and question you on
why the grandchildren had to grow up. Answer wisely or they put strychnine in
your tea and scones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Are
you a bi-polar mess that puts every disturbed thought on the web?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A licensed therapist is standing by to hear your
inner pain. After that a video presentation is viewed by a drill instructor
that tells you to smarten up and get-the-hell-over-yourself. Bring your
prescription card. A pharmacy counter is also part of this exit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Did
you play the game right? Did you increase your following and charm everyone you
connected with?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">CONGRATULATIONS! You have done the near impossible.
In return for your genius, you are greeted upon your escape by a flashing neon
sign, asking, ‘That’s great, but did you get any actual writing done?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There is a bar under the sign. Draft beer is a buck
a glass. Box wine is available by the bucket. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Back-Patting target range</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This interactive and exciting game has you blindfolded,
listening to ten fellow new writers/beta readers. Nine will tell you that your
manuscript has the makings of a timeless epic that enthralled from start to
finish. One will inform you its completely incomprehensible and you need to start
over. The blindfold is removed and you are challenged with hitting the truthful
soul with a thrown rock. Choose wisely or you are forced to join the panel of
ten to engage the next participant. Bring your own helmet or rent one for $5
prior to entering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Ride of the Red Pen:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The premise is simple. Upon entry you are handed a
poorly formatted, thoroughly mediocre 150,000 word YA vampire fantasy and
proceed to a cornucopia of specialized editors. Each one reads through and
marks up sections with fountain-pens refilled with your blood. If you survive,
you emerge victorious holding a 10,000 word instruction manual on how to
convert a walk-in closet to a guest bathroom. You are required to sign a disclaimer
before entering. No jewelry, cash or gold fillings are given to your next of
kin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Publishing
Thunderdome:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Answer three questions pertaining to your chosen
means of publishing. Answer well and you get to select a deadly weapon to
compete against another two writers that were STUPID enough to choose different
means from yours. Three go in, one comes out. Martial Arts instruction
self-pubber’s are excluded from competition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
Trail of Tears:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mostly instructional, this allows new writers to
watch a moderately successful published 'author' reflect, through a video montage,
how much of their life was lost due to their chosen craft. After the display, a
licensed accountant comes in and hands the person a revolver with a single
bullet. The challenge is to see if the writer pulls the trigger, after being
informed with a series of charts, that they’ve been working for two decades at
$.015 per hour. Wear a raincoat. Avoid the front row.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As you can see, this will be a tough sell. Funding
is difficult in these trying times but I feel the premise is solid. Join me
soon for part two where we explore my ideas to inform through terror.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m also open to other ride ideas, so feel free to
share.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pleasant dreams…muahahahahahahaha<o:p></o:p></span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-20239217007049113662012-02-18T21:59:00.000-05:002012-02-19T07:40:52.322-05:00The Rules and how to abuse them<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For my rabid clutch of
followers (please wipe that stuff off your mouth) I present my cool, rational
and semi-factual report, documenting my writing progress thus far. I hope the
both of you enjoy the update.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>SCOPE</strong>: To determine if I am indeed drawing from that
pent-up creative pool that resides within me or if I’m just screwing around and
wasting my time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>MATERIALS</strong>: Laptop computer, Microsoft Word, Coors
Light, Dark Rum, Ginger Beer, Imagination (mood dependent), Talent (Talent
dependant), Time (Life dependant), Fingers (Hand dependant)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>OBJECTIVE</strong>: To express my fictional ideas in an
entertaining fashion without coming off like I accidentally brushed my teeth
with a Taser.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>EXPERIENCE</strong>: Other than some farting around on some
sports fan websites and three practice manuscripts – none.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>GUIDELINES</strong>: Things you need to know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Write
what you know. Failing that, write what you think you know. Failing that, make
shit up completely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Avoid
dialog tags; unless there are more than two people in a conversation, a physical
expression is needed, if you have no other choice or if you forgot to not use them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Avoid
repetitive, similar, already used, synonym-like words (I’m still working on
that)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Watch
out for selective typing dyslexia. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thrid/third,
from/form, ect./etc.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWwU9q8XuJgQqJaq3kJhu1uWGsca3nTMTMLle3NqlPJzJl8Nz1FadpTNZTFngj97WfWXZOpwJMZ_sLhZZdGYMuuU8IDNwScpCQpSM5eWQrJIksKkbBar3tkuHLvZQkMB9Exr9_K0nb85Rs/s1600/AV3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWwU9q8XuJgQqJaq3kJhu1uWGsca3nTMTMLle3NqlPJzJl8Nz1FadpTNZTFngj97WfWXZOpwJMZ_sLhZZdGYMuuU8IDNwScpCQpSM5eWQrJIksKkbBar3tkuHLvZQkMB9Exr9_K0nb85Rs/s200/AV3.JPG" width="183" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
the correct usages of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">their, there, they’re</i>,
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that there now</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If
you think a semi-colon fits, you’re probably wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If
you think a sentence is too long, it probably is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Too
many commas make you sound like you brushed your teeth with a Taser.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Avoid
repetitive metaphors and analogies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">On
occasion, lie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Show,
don’t tell, and unless you’re describing something, then write it fluidly and
entertainingly. It work better than ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">look
at this shit, here!</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the imaginary readers are women, include a
happy ending. If the imaginary readers are men, make sure things blow up. If
the imaginary reader is a cat, sell it to a laboratory to have its brain
removed, sectioned and analyzed or hire it as your agent<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Join
a comprehensive, intelligent (i.e. free) writer’s community so you can interact
with other writers, share pain, and waste time on something other than that
pesky writing stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
the genre you’re writing for out of the 7,000,000 vague sub-genres. Chances are
you won’t fit in any of them; if so see guideline #10.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Trust
your beta readers to be helpful and impartial when they rip out your still
beating heart, stick it in a food processor, set it for puree and serve it to
you on nachos with a zesty salsa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t
beta-read for anyone else unless you own a firearm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">17)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
to write a query blurb, keep your therapist’s phone number on a post-it note stuck
to your computer monitor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">18)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
to write a query letter, making sure to spell the agent’s name correctly. For
writer bio, see rule #10<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">19)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Invest
in a major vodka manufacturer and learn how to write a synopsis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">20)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
what the ‘hook’ is for a query then learn why yours suck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">21)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
how to write a logline, even though no one seems to know the purpose for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">22)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
your acronyms, including; WIP, MS, MC, YA, MG, NaNo, ROFLMAO, TGIF, OMG, and,
most importantly DILLIGAF<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">23)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
patience. See guideline #10 and use it on yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">24)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
to keep motivated. See guideline #10 and use it on yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">25)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
to never misplace you therapist’s phone number.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">26)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Learn
to secretly enjoy other writer’s misery and the correct procedures to create
voodoo dolls for their inevitable success.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">27)<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edits
are never, ever, truly done. And when you think they are, your story sucks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>GUIDELINES</strong>: Things you don’t need to know<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>PROGRESS REPORT</strong>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’ve
written a bunch of stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><strong>SUMMARY:</strong> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There
you have it folks. This is my comprehensive report on what I’ve learned and how
I’ve applied it. If this has indeed been a help, great. I’ll visit you in the
facility you wind up residing in. If it doesn’t, well…consider the source.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
look forward to meeting each and every one you at my book signing. As of now it
is scheduled for a corner booth at a local McDonalds. Get there early, buy me a
Big Mac.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Thank you for your love, support, and contributing
to my delusion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-77591804085886496222011-06-25T11:27:00.002-04:002011-06-25T11:30:18.164-04:00The History Channel; Beef Jerky for the mind<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmzWWSrMhN-XbwhELXLRrxWr1ZALIprBaLIcJqrztg7mE6fW58eLVhS_Zr2IijlfmrzaxwbhxypKnxuNmX7feERjSoXvEdMUPIP60gn27azcwoD6pHGxaGjkhD1XK2DY-qJZzsVy1x4Co/s1600/Revo.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmzWWSrMhN-XbwhELXLRrxWr1ZALIprBaLIcJqrztg7mE6fW58eLVhS_Zr2IijlfmrzaxwbhxypKnxuNmX7feERjSoXvEdMUPIP60gn27azcwoD6pHGxaGjkhD1XK2DY-qJZzsVy1x4Co/s320/Revo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5622180090518615986" /></a><br />I guess all us (ahem) more seasoned and experienced folks missed out on the present 'hip, poppin' and conjecture filled history of the human race. <br /><br />I made the mistake of watching a couple hours of The History Channel and learned the following things that we all may have missed when we were busy trying to keep arbitrary dates straight and deciphering which ancient civilization was killed and eaten by the next up-and-coming ancient civilization. <br /><br />Here's the cliff notes so everyone who actually could operate a book with pages can understand all the fun we missed out on.<br /><br />-Extraterrestrials may well have helped the Third Reich produce a plethora of deadly doomsday weapons that didn't actually work. Indiana Jones may or may not have had a pivotal role in that. <br /><br />-The Knights Templar nobly escaped their executions for murder, theft and rape so they could come to America and hide carved stones telling the secrets of the Holy Grail in Minnesota of all places.<br /><br />-The Free Masons designed entire cities in geometric patterns to hide secrets that even they couldn't decipher so that Nicholas Cage could star in movies that make him look smart.<br /><br />-Nostradamus proved that drunken people could write near incomprehensible and vague predictions that will waste the time of future scholars for centuries while making gullible people nervous wrecks. Keep an eye out for the anti-Christ, unless we already missed him.<br /><br />-The same non-helpful extraterrestrials that decided to pal around with Hitler could have also helped other ancient civilizations make massive structures .Future adventure seekers could then experience lost luggage and diarrhea while capturing pictures that bore all their friends to tears.<br /><br />-The Loch Ness monster, while openly admitted by the first guy to take a picture as being a hoax, is still sucking up enormous funds and technical expertise to be found. In a weird turn of events, he hasn't.<br /><br />-Other murky lakes now have giant prehistoric creatures magically appearing up in them like reptilian pop-tarts. Now you can be just as afraid of lakes as were of the ocean after 'Jaws' came out.<br /><br />-Bigfoot is still out there, somewhere, leaving enormous footprints and shaky images of giant Steven Stills (From Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young) in his wake. <br /><br />-Calendars produced by the Mayans showed that they may have known when the end of the world will be but weren't smart enough to figure out their own demise. <br /><br />-The end of the world is coming next year, unless it doesn't. Either way don't clean out that 401k plan to buy a speedboat just yet.<br /><br />-The Russians have finally opened up their own secret files, proving to the world that their own UFO nutjobs were just as loopy as ours.<br /><br />-The Bermuda Triangle had a terrifying history of swallowing planes and boats that in NO WAY could be attributed to pilot error, even though the only thing to disappear there in the last 20 years was the Folstien children's college fund in a cruise ships casino.<br /><br />-Viking may have left their own cold and forbidding lands centuries before Columbus got lost so they could settle in the one place as lousy as their own country-then promptly disappear.<br /><br />-and last, but not least, Hitler was a real dick.<br /><br />It almost makes you wish you could type up a term paper again, doesn't it?Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-57379626425064864022011-06-18T11:02:00.002-04:002011-06-18T11:04:53.838-04:00The Bruins playoffs in review<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwH5Dp28JbTLOJCwuGSDpVG4YQti2dGEV7UdLCWGs81BV7351912gTA48i4UhnIfVxj40f-4mqYUjt-cE-MRleW_1nta2Y5xnxd73IO4cNtTBJzzIyG7UC1ICgNhY0v25WH2EVcUXtjkXj/s1600/Boston-Bruins-Stanley-Cup-Champions.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwH5Dp28JbTLOJCwuGSDpVG4YQti2dGEV7UdLCWGs81BV7351912gTA48i4UhnIfVxj40f-4mqYUjt-cE-MRleW_1nta2Y5xnxd73IO4cNtTBJzzIyG7UC1ICgNhY0v25WH2EVcUXtjkXj/s400/Boston-Bruins-Stanley-Cup-Champions.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619575923658448786" /></a><br />The Bruin's Stanley Cup Winner's parade is today.<br /><br />Hang on, it still seems unreal after I type that. Let me try again:<br /><br />The Bruin's Stanley Cup Winner's parade is today.<br /><br />Holy smokes, it still knocks me for a loop. It's a good loop but a loop nonetheless.<br /><br />In the Grand Scheme of things this event is hardly life-changing or earth-shattering. It doesn't lower gas or food prices, spark miraculous medical cure, save whales, create jobs, fix the economy or effect world peace (the Vancouver riot aside). <br /><br />Still, it's pretty damn cool. <br /><br />Let's be real here for a minute; during the regular season did anyone really believe that THIS was the team that would gel so solidly and march through four rounds to get the chrome salad bowl? Hell, I'm a pretty optimistic fan but the boys had me wondering on more than one occasion if they were up to the task. More than once the B's had their shaky and bizarre moments.<br /><br />As much as any Bruins fan despises the Montreal Canadiens, they are due a small amount of credit. They helped re-invigorate the cup run and (if not slay) at least stab a few demons from their past. Also, if the Bruins did win the cup without facing and defeating the Hated Habs it would have been a slightly less impressive victory. <br /><br />The Flyers were next on the agenda after utterly humiliating in the previous seasons playoffs. The choker label was applied to a team that coughed up a 3-0 series lead then lost four straight. That one hurt and acted to cast a pall over the next season, with damn good reason; it was a disaster. Sweeping them in four straight games helped the Bruins get the horrible taste from their mouths and provide another motivational boost.<br /><br />These two teams brought to mind the end of the movie, the Godfather. Picture Peter Chiarelli sitting behind a big wooden desk in a smoky dark room. He looks over to his lieutenant, Cam Neely, and utters; "This season we take care of all old family business". What happens is synchronized carnage. But I digress. <br /><br />For a non-traditional foe the Tampa Bay Lightning still offered up a very interesting challenge in regards to Eastern Conference match-ups. Mixing powerful high-dollar talent with what was thought a smothering defensive system to provide a legitimate challenge to the Bruin's post-season march. This series was probably Claude Julien's own moment to demonstrate that he is a great coach. Tampa's 1-3-1 system with crushing fore checking was shutting teams out very effectively. Mere firepower and great goaltending wasn't enough. The tactics weren't the problem, the strategy was.<br /><br />Julien juggled the line-up and philosophy just enough while kicking of a nitrous oxide boost by plugging 19 year old Tyler Seguin into the lineup at exactly the right time. The move was brilliant and that, mixed with playoff hockey starved Nathan Horton, tilted the scales against sunny Florida. The fact that it went seven games is a testament to the Lighting's strength and gives a glimpse into what may be a scary opponent in next season's Eastern conference. Lightning GM Steve Yzerman is no idiot and he now knows where he needs to add pieces for the next step.<br /><br />Vancouver came into the playoffs after having exorcized its own demons by defeating the Chicago Blackhawks, who schooled them on three previous occasions. The Canucks had their flaws but the perception was their strengths offset them nicely. For the first two games of the series that assessment seemed spot-on. The bruins tried vainly but could not dent the Canucks shell.<br /><br />Then something happened. It was triggered partly with the injury to Horton and a return home to the place that had no history, no backing force, no whiff of past glory, the 'new' garden. These Bruins steeled themselves and did something that no other team had done to the barn once known as the 'defeat' center. They brought glory.<br /><br />Maybe Vancouver got cocky, reading too many glowing press clippings. Maybe Luongo performed his usual fall to earth. Maybe they were just to worn out and beat up from the rigors of three previous hard-fought rounds. All these are distinct possibilities.<br /><br />Or maybe, just maybe, the Bruins sat in their locker room, looked at one another and reached an agreement. We will be 'almost good enough' no more. This is the right place, the right time, with the right personnel. Let's show them that this bear's claws and teeth are to be feared.<br /><br />The Bruins exploded like their animal namesake and tore the killer whale clad Canucks to shreds. Then just to show it wasn't a fluke, they did it again. All you had to do was look into the eyes of Tim Thomas and you got the story. We aren't happy with being good. We will be great. We're the better team.<br /><br />The next game was a hard fought battle from beginning to end as the Canucks gave one final boost to show their mettle. A single fluke goal from a marginally talented spare part snuck behind Thomas and finished the game. The Canucks regained the series lead 3-2.<br /><br />Unlike previous seasons this didn't have that impending disaster feel that Bruins fans are all too used to. We saw where Vancouver was weak and the return home for the next game proved that observation.<br /><br />Roberto Luongo helped to trigger his team's demise with his own very poorly chosen words, taking a shot at the heroic Tim Thomas. His claim was that Thomas wasn't providing Luongo with the praise he so richly deserved and even had the gall to critique Thomas's goaltending style. Making matters worse was when Thomas retorted with one simple, bemused line. Smiling he said, "I didn't know it was my job to pump up his tires".<br />The dye was cast. The Hockey Gods punish those for hubris. Roberto Luongo, one of the highest paid, longest signed goalies in the NHL was about to be laid low.<br />The bear could smell blood and that third trip to the garden was fitting set up to that one final apocalyptic moment. The final score was 5-2 Bruins but that score didn't tell the whole story. The Canucks were beaten, emotionally crushed and very scared. The series was tied and all the marbles rested on a single game.<br /><br />…Back in Vancouver<br /><br />…Where the Bruins had yet to win.<br /><br />To its credit Vancouver did try. The Sedin twins did rise from their coma and the Canucks forward pressed hard, getting into Tim Thomas's face and practically up his nose at the games start. Even the most hardened fan (me included) were on the edge of the seat for a few minutes.<br /><br />It was Patrice Bergeron that fired the shot that finished off the league's best regular season team and Western Conference champs. Three more shots found their mark but the body had already fallen. Thomas had put up a brick wall in net and had already made the conscious decision to put an exclamation point on the first Bruins cup triumph in 39 years, providing his forth shutout of the post-season.<br /><br />On a personal note I just had to nudge my lovely wife to pause the chick-flick she was watching on her computer and pop out her headphones to witness the Cup carried higher than its ever been held-literally seeing as Zdeno Chara is huge. She was good sport and sat patiently through the ceremony, likely wondering what the fuss was all about but having the good taste not to say anything. At the end she smiled at me and went back to her movie. After 25 years of my yelling shenanigans she's paid her dues in a different way. In her own quiet way she's been a Bruins fan for most of her life as well, she just won't admit it.<br /><br />And now an estimated million people are funneling into Boston to grab a peace of that black and gold glory. The Burins are the conquering hero and deserve the adulation they receive on this day. Trivial in the grand scheme of things or not those men did fight the good fight and bring pride back to one of the finest cities on earth. I salute them for that.<br /><br />Now if they could just do it again next season…Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-16530900814904675112010-11-13T23:21:00.001-05:002010-11-13T23:23:50.776-05:00Fine Whine and other sour grapes<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Pdp_dTJQ02rqO93KW90mvpFIUD_B4gFJj9rTp6_dImtVHqqM9P5gz3Qf0KcrKwXGh0yPGzaPiIJSsiafl9YW8esS35x61kOCECr9ESuHmcGzdGsAucnivwZ4vWOhDtVoYeqa1pTSo1Tn/s1600/brite+lites.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 295px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Pdp_dTJQ02rqO93KW90mvpFIUD_B4gFJj9rTp6_dImtVHqqM9P5gz3Qf0KcrKwXGh0yPGzaPiIJSsiafl9YW8esS35x61kOCECr9ESuHmcGzdGsAucnivwZ4vWOhDtVoYeqa1pTSo1Tn/s320/brite+lites.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539256339825828546" /></a><br /><strong>NHL</strong>: <em>Top five pet peeves of hockey </em><br /><br />Normally I’m not a person given to whining. When something annoys me and I can avoid it, I do.<br /><br />I can’t stand going to any brass and fern decorated “family” type restaurant for the irritation factor that the same wait staff that can’t bring me the appetizers some time other that 30 seconds before the actual meal comes, can find the time to sing an off-key, overly loud proprietary version of “Happy Birthday”. <br /><br />Just shut up and get me my damn Buffalo wings Skippy. <br /><br />These are generally the same places that have three pages of different variations on a Margarita (…a CHOCOLATE Margarita?) but don’t have the ability to make the REAL version of that drink. Keep your stupid sour mix and Triple-sec and go back to Bartending School.<br /><br />So, just like when Howard Sterns comes on the radio, I avoid these situations. I don’t go to those restaurants more than once and I change the channel when flatulent transvestites with mother issues (????) come on the radio. No problem here, I can adapt.<br /><br />Unfortunately, some thing that annoy cannot be avoided. Like the people at the grocery store that wait until their whole cart is scanned, they are given the total, and THEN they start writing the check. Or the high-powered business-type moron who thinks the whole world needs to listen in on how much of a big shot they are when they’re at the drug store prescription counter, chatting on a cell phone at the top of their lungs.<br /><br />Talk to Vanna, buy a vowel, and get a clue.<br /><br />Hockey has produced several of these annoying moments that, for the fan, fall under the category of “unavoidable”. Here’s a selection of my top five hockey annoyances:<br /><br />1) Diving/tripping calls: If it’s a dive, call it a dive. If it’s a trip, call it a trip. Don’t completely wimp out and call both. Diving is one aspect of the game that has always annoyed me. I don’t like it when my own favorite team does it. I really hate it when an opponent uses it as their primary defensive strategy. NHL, grow a pair and call a dive a dive.<br /><br />2) Mascots: I know that Hockey wants to appeal to a larger audience, and I can live with the whole mascot thing for the AHL, where it is actually affordable to bring the whole family to a game. But the NHL in general and the Original six teams in particular annoy me with their perceived need to try to sell a team to me that I’ve ALREADY paid top-dollar to see. I like kids for the most part, I have several myself, but none of my kids (or the kids I’ve seen at a game) seem particularly impressed with the sweaty high-school kid stuck in a felt and Styrofoam costume who is having peanuts and empty cups thrown at him because he’s doing the Macarena in the line of sight while a two man rush is breaking up the ice. <br /><br />3) “Let’s make some noise!!” prompts: What is this? <em>The Dick Van Dyke show</em>? Your hockey game is filmed before a live studio audience? Play better. I’ll cheer then. Trust me.<br /><br />4) The Cell phone zombies: Tell me if this sounds familiar: “Yeah Dude, I’m at the game now…I’m at the game now…Yeah, I’m at the game…yeah…now. I should get out of here around 9:30…yeah, 9:30…9:30…yeah, I’ll be out front at 9:30…9:30…” This generally goes on in ten minute stretches for the entire game, except when it’s between periods, then the annoying twit goes silent as he’s trying to maneuver Nacho’s, a personal pizza, popcorn and seven diet soda’s down the wrong isle.<br /><br />5) The “know-it-all” fan: This is that self-important goob who ended up with free tickets and has to regale his friends (who have apparently never heard of the game before) with his infinite knowledge and wisdom in regards to the finer points of hockey…all night. He is also the guy who usually sits directly behind me at the game and taps my shoulder after every play to ask me “Did you see that? Did that look like icing to you? I don’t think it was icing. Did they really call that as icing?” Now you know why they search people for weapons prior to a game, even though they probably shouldn’t.<br /><br />So that’s it. I’ve vented and I feel better now. Please feel free to share any other hyper-annoying moments I may have missed in the responses.Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-21512232125502496212010-11-13T22:37:00.002-05:002010-11-13T23:12:48.843-05:00Bad Sports MoviesEveryone has a favorite sports movie. That one that has you on the edge of your seat, cheering for an outcome that you already know in your heart has been predetermined by a script-writer, That one that has you misty-eyed for a bygone, more honorable time, That one that has the abused underdog rising up to conquer all odds and achieve that glory we all hunger for.<br /><br />Few care to document the far more common product that emanates from tinsel-town: The really bad sports movie.<br /><br />For every <em>Field of Dreams </em>or <em>The Natural </em>there is are dozen’s of <em>Major League II’s.</em><br /><br />For every <em>Slapshot</em> there is a flood of <em>Youngblood</em>’s<br /><br />For every <em>The Longest Yard </em>there is…well, the remake of <em>The Longest yard</em>.<br /><br />You get the point. Even the most open-minded and ambitious practitioner of suspension of disbelief has to admit that 95% of all sports movies ever made range from “hardly likely” to “ambitiously stupid”.<br /><br />I’d like to review my favorite whipping boys of bad sports movie’s, separated by sport (the ones I have some interest in, sorry golf):<br /><br /><strong>Racing:</strong> <em>Days of Thunder</em>:<br /><br />There was a time I actually followed NASCAR, unfortunately it was also a time when “Stock Car” meant there was something resembling the stock car under the paint and stickers. This movie made sure I never developed that interest again.<br /><br />See if this sounds familiar: <br /><br />He’s a loner, a rebel, a maverick. He does things his own way no matter who it irks. She meets him. She can’t stand him- at first- but she learns there’s a good person under the macho façade. Soon she’s worried sick about him as he goes to do whatever dangerous thing he does. He does his dangerous thing, beats all odds and comes back to spring into her waiting arms.<br /><br />Insert a race car, fighter jet, football or a very angry Jack Nicholson as the backdrop and you have a significant portion of Tom Cruise’s film repertoire.<br /><br />As a racing film, this baby makes <em>Stroker Ace</em> look like a documentary on Speed channel. Driving into wrecks at full speed, getting “gift” engines from competing owners, having Tom Hagen as you mechanic, this movie has it all. Unfortunately it also has far more than I’m willing to digest.<br /><br /><strong>Hockey</strong>: <em>Youngblood</em>:<br /><br />Whew! Where to begin…<br /><br />This is the story about a too handsome, too passive, too Rob Lowe junior league hockey player who finally snaps, goes berserk, and becomes the thing he despised the most.<br /><br />And that’s supposed to be the happy ending.<br /><br />He unfortunately runs afoul of a noted young goon when he makes the team ahead of him (who is later drafted in the 2nd round by the Maple Leafs, I’m kidding…). The Goon is jealous, angry, and has unsettling visions of having to take his girlfriend to see St. Elmo’s Fire in the future.<br /><br />Said goon signs up with another team and goes on a premeditated spree of violence, cracking the noggin’ of one Patrick Swayze, Dean Youngblood’s (I’m not making that name up) newest and bestest friend.<br /><br />Dean makes Craig Janney look like Jay Miller though, and won’t fight the uber-goon, so his dad and older brother (who between them must share 4.5 teeth) teach the talented young doofus how to fight.<br /><br />There may have been more to the movie but I was trying to retrieve the beer from my two sizes too-big snorkel coat and may have missed some of the finer nuances.<br /><br /><strong>Basketball</strong>: <em>Whatever the hell that one with Whoopi Goldberg was</em>.<br /><br />I’m not much of a Basketball fan, and this movie didn’t help that.<br /><br /><strong>Football</strong>: <em>Varsity Blues</em>:<br /><br />This narrowly beat out the shakily filmed and piercingly shrill <em>Any Given Sunday</em> as the football movie most likely to make me want to take Bruce Dern’s place in <em>Black Sunday</em>, but <em>Varsity Blues</em> wins out on the weight of its incredibly disturbing vision of Texas High-School football.<br /><br />John Voight, whose career trajectory appears to be rivaling Christian Slater’s, plays the most evil, nasty, vainglorious high-school football coach ever. His player motivational tactics make the coach’s and owners in North Dallas Forty look like extras from a Disney film. He’s just plain rotten.<br /><br />The fact that he’s the devil incarnate and needlessly risks the lives of their children only make the dim-bulb parents love him more, even though the men remember hating him as well in their playing days (He’s been the coach for over 50 years apparently). <br /><br />The secondary female lead in the film make Paris Hilton look like she’s found her religious calling, the boys all drive around in near-mint classic cars, and vodka appears to flow from every spigot in this part of Texas. <br /><br />Oh, and the boys also discover that one of their teachers is also a stripper (apparently Van Halen wrote that into the film).<br /><br />Eventually the drunken high-school players gather up there courage and STD’s to pull out a miraculous win in the final game’s second half after firing their own coach (huh??!).<br /><br />Fade out, the End.<br /><br /><strong>Baseball</strong>: <em>Major League II</em>:<br /><br />I saw Major League I about a dozen times, I’ll admit it. It garbage, but it’s good garbage. I place it in the same realm as <em>Escape from New York</em>, <em>The Mummy </em>(1&2), and just about any movie with “The Rock” in it (what can I say, the guy cracks me up).<br /><br />Even <em>Major League III</em>, while even dumber than the first, provided some slim semblance of enjoyment. <br /><br /><em>Major League II </em>was somewhat like a peppers and sausage sub burp, not entirely like the original and endangering the shoes of those around you.<br />A chunk of the original cast was also in II, but that’s like making a Saved by the Bell movie. What else was the cast doing? <br /><br />Wesley Snipes was noticeably absent, as he had another job requiring him to be a self-loathing, hyper-violent, but “good at heart” Vampire. This was considered a significant step up from his towering portrayal of “Willy Mays Hayes”.<br /><br />Unfortunately you can go to the same shallow well only so many times, and the well runs dry fairly early as a few kooky new cast members are forced to interact with the almost retired return players.<br /><br />Godfather II, this ain’t.<br /><br />As a DVD, it makes a fairly decent drink coaster. <br /><br />There you have it folks, I’m sure I missed some of your most despised and even offended the sensibilities of those fans that adore the movie’s I’ve trashed. It’s my list. I wrote it. Write your own list.<br /><br />If you’d like to trash my tastes (usually my wife’s job), here are some favorites from each category:<br /><br /><strong>Racing</strong>: <em>LeMans</em>: Steve McQueen. What more do you gotta’ say?<br /><br /><strong>Hockey</strong>: Duh. You don’t even need to ask (No, NOT the Mighty Ducks)<br /><br /><strong>Football</strong>: <em>The Longest Yard </em>(original): “…I think he broke his f#$%*@! Neck”.<br /> <br /><strong>Baseball</strong>: <em>Eight Men Out</em>: Think scandal in baseball is a new idea? Think again.<br /><br />There it is. Black and White. <br /><br />How hard can it be to be a film critic?Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6681981235525136613.post-34644593042004064232010-11-13T22:35:00.000-05:002010-11-13T22:36:29.130-05:00an Offensive unofficial history of pro hockeyIt is hypothesized that all continents were once joined together, kind of like the cast of “Friends” before they split up to make really bad romantic comedies.<br /><br />Like after a sitcom wrap-party, the continents then tried to get as far away from each other as is “earthly” possible.<br /><br />Dinosaurs came, then were relocated to there present location- under miles of salt water or very large sandboxes, and received a new occupation- as oil.<br /><br />Then the mammals came and evolved into ferrets, lions, dolphins, and in some case Lawyers and Player Agents (oh, but I kid the ferrets).<br /><br />Some time after that, hockey came. Life was good for those athletic, good skating people who didn’t want to work winters in factories, doctors who specialized in mending broken bones, Dentists who specialized in removing tooth shrapnel and less talented factory workers who were flush with overtime money covering for those deadbeats of winter, hockey players.<br /><br />It was decided by someone on high (or someone who drank slightly less than the vast majority) that this pastime should be organized. Sober people are very good at organizing…lousy at hockey, but good at telling other people what to do.<br /><br />It was then decided to get some teams of less than sober people together and play against one another as too few people were nipping off appendages at factories and only 12 people had ever used the services of a dentist. Hockey would help to jumpstart both of those cottage industries while providing some meager scratch so players could buy; you guessed it, more booze. A new business was born on the weight of injuries, violence, competition, and not wanting to work at factories for a couple months a year.<br /><br />Because there was a need for some symbol to reward those who worked harder, had more talent, and could not afford more alcohol, a trophy of significant majesty and impressive bearing was required.<br /><br />So someone’s wife donated a chrome punch-bowl that didn’t move at the previous year’s yard-sale. Re-gifting had not been invented yet and the Stanley cup blazed into existence. It was decided that an additional ring be added in the future for every team that Mike Keenan destroyed as a GM and everyone blinded by Don Cherry’s suits.<br /><br />Since winter in Canada is the finest eight months of the year, it was decided that all the teams should go there, within 12 miles of each other. Husky’s got remarkably poor fuel economy and weren’t very good at hauling equipment, players, wives, coaches, and booze. The dogs also had difficulty going in the right direction as toothless drivers do not exactly have the clearest enunciation. <br /><br /><br />This lack of geographic precision may have been how hockey started to appear in America, the husky’s got together and decided “screw this, these clowns don’t care where they end up-let’s just head south”.<br /><br />Sure enough, the dogs were onto something, and hockey’s purity was corrupted by gaining despicable southern “expansion” teams, in the tropical vacation cities of New York, Boston, Chicago and Detroit. <br /><br />Purists were beside themselves with indignant rage and hockey fans have been complaining about the dilution of talent ever since. <br /><br />Players liked it though, as it gave them an opportunity to tan and play golf in only one to two feet of snow, as opposed to four to six feet back home.<br /><br />The League could now travel more efficiently and quickly, as the automobile became more commonplace, introducing Hockey players to the latest popular activity; drunk driving. The wonders of technology never cease.<br /><br />Like the dinosaurs, some of the original teams vanished leaving players unemployed but as their blood alcohol level was too high for them to become oil, they became journalists, announcers and coaches instead. <br /><br />Soon, another glory age came for the great game of hockey, as the era of the “original six” was born, but since fans didn’t yet know that they were in the glory age, they just called the six teams “the six teams”. Media people were too busy watching Babe Ruth consume vast amount of hot-dogs, beer, and baseball team owners money to take an interest in hockey.<br /><br />In only 50 short years, all that was to change.<br /><br />Fast forward to that inspired and influential time, known as the seventies, and we find that hockey is on a meteoric rise on the professional sports landscape. A new team of geniuses even comes onto the scene to create a whole new league, using the same executive brain-trust that went on to develop other smashing successes like the DeLorean car company, New Coke, and the Chevy Chase show. The WHA is born.<br /><br />After three weeks, the upstart league folds and creates a whole new glut of players that make too much money to work off-season in factories, but don’t know enough to be of any other use to society.<br /><br />Since the original league had also gone on a further expansion binge, creating a further rift between the fuddy-duddy traditionalists, there was some place for these players to go, but not enough to support all of the players.<br /><br />Since many city officials didn’t have the police force to monitor all the unemployed hockey players with drivers’ licenses, the NHL (named after Nedwin Harold League-the inventor of clichés like “take it one game at a time” and “we have to work harder out there”) decided to perform a public service and get these menaces off the public roads. So it created even more teams to keep them busy and keep them from getting behind the wheel of now faster cars.<br /><br />A few more teams were added to Canada, a lot more teams were added to the United States, and life was made even more miserable for the traditionalists.<br /><br />Here we are in the present day, as evolution seems to want to skate backwards and recreate the single continent of Pangaea, removing some of the southernmost teams and re-locating them to a place with far fewer golf-communities, hurricanes, Jimmy Buffet fans, and sand, otherwise known as “the North”.<br /><br />Luckily the latest hockey brain trust has reeled in on its plans to place teams in Guam, Ecuador, Peru, and Brazil as the residents kept throwing the sticks away and tried to kick the puck towards a very sweaty goalie. Their expansion teams are on hold until 2012 or until magnetic north moves and puts them back in a polar region.<br /><br />So what are the morals we can take away from this comprehensive history of our sport? Glad you asked...there are several:<br /><br />1) Dogs are smarter than everyone thinks.<br /><br />2) The cast of Friends should have stuck to TV.<br /><br />3) Booze and Hockey go together. Hockey and driving doesn’t.<br /><br />4) Since Hockey players will not turn into petro-chemicals, Don Cherry will never wear them as a day-glow plaid leisure suit.<br /><br />5) No matter what, where, or how you do something, people will complain.<br /><br />6) Revo still refuses to do research.<br /><br />7) Pangaea is not a toasted sandwich (that’s a Panini)Revo Boulangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261275910728067043noreply@blogger.com0