Saturday, July 25, 2009

2010 Winter Classic

Boston’s New Years gift, the Winter Classic game between the Philadelphia Flyers and Boston Bruins, should prove to be a watershed moment for both Boston and Philadelphia hockey fans and possible future hockey fans.

Why? ‘Cause its in Fenway, in Bahstin. We can freeze, drink and get those wonderfully deadly Peppers and Sausage (Peppah’s ‘n Sahssage to us locals) gut-bombs in front of the game.

Shh, Don’t tell the Philly fans about our secret weapon, alternative-energy methane cleverly disguised as junk food. When they run to the can we can grab their seats.

Ask around town amongst the Bruins fans about the Boston Vs. Philadelphia Winter Classic game and changed are, you will likely hear that it should be “Wicked Pissah” (that means exciting/good)

Ask Montreal fans about the same game and they will probably say “The Flyers? They should be playing the Canadien’s, the Bruins don’t have a rivalry with the Flyers.”

Get over yourselves.

After last season it’s not like the Bruins have much of a rivalry with the very punchable Hab’s either. Go play with the Leafs.

For all those prospective “24 cups” ranter’s that are almost guaranteed to show up whenever something like this is written, time’s change guys, Hudson once ruled NASCAR and the Dodgers were once in Brooklyn, move on.

This Winter Classic is a big deal for the NHL as it will represent two teams that have learned the lessons of the hockey lockout better than most, and are subsequently similar teams, both in present execution and history.

Both teams had a dreadful season in recent memory, keeping fans away in droves and forcing substantial changes.

Both teams learned the post-lockout lessons well, i.e. draft well and protect your youth assets.

Both teams have a history of beating the cheese-whiz out of other teams, and when they fight each other it’s a sight for the ages.

Both teams were run by guys who had far exceeded there “best if used by” date by more than a decade, and were replaced by much smarter guys.

So in the spirit of peace and brotherly love for those brave Philadelphia fans who will descend on our beloved Fenway, I offer some friendly and helpful advice:

1) Parking: don’t hyperventilate when the guy in the booth tells you what it will cost and by all means, be nice. Just pay the money and smile or you’ll end up parked between two leftover concrete dividers from the Big Dig or come back to find a Hummer parked on top of your Civic.

2) By two of the Peppers and Sausage gut bombs, roll up your sleeves and don’t be afraid to lick the grease off you elbows. You’ll feel weird at first until you notice everyone around you is looking like they’re limbering up for floor gymnastics. Welcome aboard.

3) Philly fans fight and drink, Boston fans drink and fight: you should fit right in but leave your Patriots bias at home; it can get you killed here.

4) Don’t bring up Patrice Bergeron, don’t even say the name, just…don’t. We’re trying to get over it but it’s best not to tempt the fates.

And there you have it, Revo’s tips for the winter classic. I don’t actually live in Boston and it’s doubtful I will be attending as I have a refrigerator with beer, a big-ass TV, parking and heat, but I hope to see a loyal turn out while I’m warm, semi-intoxicated, and sitting on a couch.

And to our Little Brothers (the Flyers) and their equally disturbed fans (i.e. just like Bruins fans), just follow my simple etiquette rules and everything will work out fine. You might turn out to like Boston. Grab some seafood, park and walk everywhere and you might find a second home, then we can both get back to what’s more important: ranking on Pittsburgh and Montreal.

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